Baby boy, i need you.

THE NEW PHASE

2012-01-13T01:24:00.001+08:00

its 1.24am in the morning. and i cant even think about anything. cause my mind is literally blank. and the only few alphabets that are appearing in my mind are, AJC/MJC. i really have no idea which damn school i want to put as my first choice. its not like i will definitely get into either of this two schools but im already thinking so much. i regretted entering ytss for 4 years. i dont want to regret for the next two years of my life. when i entered ytss i hated the guts out of that shit hole of a school and i never thought that i will hold such an important and prestigious post in their student council. will i regret if i enter the new school that im going into? so ultimately, what the fuck school am i going to get into?

HUNDRED AND EIGHTY SIX!

2011-05-18T20:21:00.002+08:00

OKAY THIS IS IT! :D I AM SO GONNA SPAM THE WHOLE POST IN CAPS LOCK. AND I DONT CARE IF YOU LIKE IT ANOT! I CAN MURDER YOU RIGHT NOW! YES, YOU WOMAN! SERIOUSLY, WE ARE JUST GOOD FRIENDS. YOU KNOW WHAT IT SHOWS ABOUT YOU AND HIM!? IT JUST SHOWS THAT YOU DONT TRUST HIM AND OF ALL GIRLS, REALLY YOU ARE JEALOUS OF ME!? SERIOUSLY, ITS JUST MAKING ME SMILE AND THINK VERY HIGHLY OF MYSELF! WHY CANT YOU JUST TRUST HIM! HE LOVES YOU! AND COME ON YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER WITH HIM ISNT IT!? YOU JEALOUS GOT WHAT FUCK USE? SERIOUSLY!? AHHHHH! TMD! I NEVER TALK TO HIM, YOU WANT ME TALK TO HIM. I TALK TO HIM, YOU BADMOUTH ME BEHIND MY BACK. THEN YOU THIS MOTHER KUNCHI. GO MAKE HIM HAPPY YOURSELF! SERIOUSLY!?!?? I'M NOT AN ENTERTAINER. AND I DONT GO AROUND MAKING EVERYBODY JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY SO. IM NOT YOUR BLOODY DOG ALRIGHT! WAKE UP LAH SERIOUSLY! AND SINCE YOU THINK I AM BEING TO CLOSE TO HIM THEN YOU KNOW WHAT, YES I AM GOING TO WALK AWAY AND ITS YOUR OWN PROBLEM TO MAKE HIM. YOU KNOW WHAT? CAUSE YOURE THE ONE THAT MAKE HIM SAD, ITS YOUR PROBLEM TO MAKE HIM BACK TO BE HAPPY. I AM NOT CLEARING UP THE MESS YOU MADE. YOURE NOT A PRINCESS. LEARN TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOU EAT! CAUSE NOBODY IS HELPING YOU TO CLEAN THAT SHIT UP! I DONT CARE HOW PRINCESS YOU ARE, BUT GUESS WHAT, THIS IS LIFE. THIS IS THE REAL WORLD. NOBODY WILL PAMPER AND LOVE YOU LIKE HIM. SO IF YOU DONT CHERISH HIM, ITS YOUR FREAKING PROBLEM. STOP ACTING LIKE EVERYBODY OWES YOU SOMETHING. THEY DONT! IS EITHER YOU CHERSIH OR THEY JUST WALK AWAY! SERIOUSLY, I DONT DEAL WITH PRINCESSES. I'M SORRY BUT THIS IS HOW STRAIGHT FORWARD I AM. IF I REALLY LIKE HIM, LET ME TELL YOU, I WONT JUST STOP HERE. I WONT BE NOT TALKING TO HIM. I WOULD TALK TO HIM EVEN MORE AND SHOW IT TO YOU THAT I CAN MAKE HIM HAPPY AND SMILE WHEN YOU CANT! IF I REALLY LIKE HIM, LET ME TELL YOU, I CAN TALK TO HIM AND HANG OUT WITH HIM. IF I REALLY LIKE HIM, I WONT BE LIKE YOU, JUST TEXTING HIM! I WOULD HANG OUT WITH HIM AND TRY TO SPEND EVERY TIME I CAN WITH HIM. I'M SORRY BUT IF I LIKE THE GUY, I WILL JUST GO FOR IT AND SPEND ALL THE TIME I CAN WITH THIS GUY! :D CAUSE IF I REALLY LIKE HIM, I WONT LET HIM GO JUST LIKE THAT. HE IS JUST MY GOOD FRIEND, AND GUESS WHAT? YOU JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT!

HUNDRED EIGHTY FIVE

2011-04-13T20:52:00.002+08:00

you got no idea how i feel when i see you together with her. you look so happy but all i can do is to stand at one side and think to myself, i'm glad that he is happy. and then turn around and cry my heart out. thats the only thing i can do. at the back of my head, at the back of my mind, i still think that we will work out sooner or later. i'm packing myself with things, homeworks and alot alot of stuff so that i wont get a chance to think about you. i have been crying every saturday and weekends, yet there's nothing i can say or do. i'm glad that you are achieving so much. and i am really proud of you. the reason why i cant wait to step down is so that i wont get to see you so often anymore. but no one understands how i feel, cause everytime i see you, everytime i look at you, i just think about the good times that we once had. and then all i can do is to turn around and whisper to myself, he aint yours anymore, he aint yours in the first place. cause, my dearest sherrin pok, you butt into it. you had the chance to come out but you didnt. you place yourself in this shit and you didnt want to come out of it. you had a choice but you ruin it for yourself. yes, thats what you did to yourself. are you proud? if you're trying to break my heart, its working cause i'm not feeling good everyday at all. and i want to text you so badly still, a month have passed, you may think that i am over and done with it, but i'm sorry i am not. i really aint over it, if you are, i am glad for you. lead your happy life will you? i am not the girl for you but i feel that you are the guy for me. and all i can do is to just be by the side, and envy her for having you by her side when i dont. sorry, but i love you still.

HUNDRED EIGHTY FOUR

2011-03-24T22:05:00.002+08:00

cause in the end, the outcome was the same. in the first palce, i should be the one to walk away. why didnt i walk away? its causing so much misery in me now. the feeling of letting someone so important walk away from my life. cause everything is different now, i hugged you, yet you didnt do it back. you stood there. thought about how i would feel? cause now, in my head, all i can think is about what you did that day, to me. how you actually lied directly to me. how much more can you actually do? you used to do o many things, yet now everything is different. this is the way it goes isnt it? nothing is meant to last. i had enough of crying you know? everytime i think somebody is different, apparently they are not. they are all the same. guys are guys, they are all the same. yes, im giving up. every night i cry, but for what? im not as strong as i used to already. why dont you understand? but i understand that she needs you more than me. she wants you more than me. you want her too, thats why when i hugged you, you didnt do it back. cause you wanted it to be her. i never should have even held you. i should just let you go when i had the chance to. then tell me why, why you said all those words, to bring me back to you. for telling me that you loved me, and you didnt want me to be upset? tell me would you? whats wrong!? i can forgive you after what you have done with her. but what i want is for you to tell me that you love me. i cant forget everything, about the entire incident, cause what i want is for you to be back. for us to be like how we used to. please, will you? if it is meant to be, it will wont it? but some how or rather, nothing is meant to be. i seem to be losing everyone all over again. unless its you, i will go for no more untill o level is over. :D

HUNDRED EIGHTY THREE

2011-02-25T21:05:00.002+08:00

i never did this for any junior before. cause i know if i continue, i would uncontrollably be dependent on you. i dont want to. i dont want her to be upset too. i'm in a dilemma and you know. you're another person who can also see that i'm not alright. you know dear. cause my eyes show it all. and you can feel and see everything that i'm going true. you know and you're concern. you make me feel like i'm a little girl. there are a few reasons why i wanted to do that. i want you to understand it as well my love. i'm stepping down, i dont want to have a black mark there. you're stepping up and i want you to step up smoothly. you need the support from everywhere and you know it. you sacrifice for your class, i sacrifice because of you and her. if something is going to happen and somebody is going to be upset, why not me? i can handle it, she cant, you know dear. you really know it. i just want you to understand why i am doing this. i'm doing this for you also.

HUNDRED AND EIGHTY TWO

2011-02-15T22:07:00.002+08:00

i dont care about anything but you. i am a love fool, and nobody seems to be able to ask me to stop. no matter how much you changed, somehow or rather, i need more time. time for me to be able to forget about you. tell me why am i not shock that you changed to become like what you are now? why am i not shock that you're calling me a fucking slut behind my back? maybe cause, whenever, i say that you're different from him, i'm just making a big mistake. maybe you're exactly the same as him. cause falling for you was a mistake that i could prevented. i could have just end it nicely, but i didnt. but why didnt you keep all your promises to me? you know how i hate people breaking promises. you told me we will always be good friends and it will last till the very end. so where has it gone to? dont promise me anything if you cant be sure that you wont break it will you? cause up till today, only OOI KAIYANG, NICHOLAS CHAN BOON CHIANG, CALVIN LEE JIN LIANG AND LYE JIKANG, kept all their promises to me. cause nicholas chan boon chiang promised me to love me with all his might and he did, and he still does. these are reasons why, they are the only people i feel safe with. the only people that makes me feel like i'm a little girl with their guardian angel. cause all i know is that, they will never leave me, they wil never betray my trust in them, they will always love me and want the best for me. its them, who i feel most safe with. when i'm with them, i need not to worry about anything cause i know that they will be there to protect me, to take care of me. cause THEY ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

HUNDRED AND EIGHTY ONE

2011-02-11T21:02:00.002+08:00

as i board the bus, i never know what would happen next. and today, i saw you. you looked at me and we exchange glances, our eyes met. but all i could do was to just turn away, cause i did not know what to say. the entire journey, i was controlling myself, i told myself i couldnt cry. as i look at you from the back, all i could think in my head was, i should not have let you go. cause in my eyes, you still look as perfect as ever. you still look like the guy i fell in love with. the guy i love was still there. what's going on with your life now? once you alighted the bus, my heart fell, my tears drop. all i could do was to control, not blink and dont allow anymore tears to drop. i walk home crying non-stop. i continue crying for another hour. and i wonder what i was crying about. i have not been this close to you for such a long time, to even feel your prescene around me. if you could, answer me - how did you feel when you saw me? what was actually going through your mind. cause in my mind, what went through over and over and over again was : 'sherrin pok, you're the biggest fool to ever let him go.' i wanted to hug you and call out to you so badly. when the bus left and passed you, i told myself not to turn around. not to even looked at you. cause this bus ride, made me miss the past. the past of how we would return home together after school. and that was exactly what i would do, look back at you and mouth the last sentence of the day i had to you: i love you baby. and now, there's nothing i could do but to just cry each time i see you. when our eyes met, when we exchange glances, half my heart died, , my heart stopped beating for a minute and i wanted time to froze there so that i could see you a little longer. i dont know if this would end, its not like i saw you with another girl. its not like there was anything that you did that could make me cry. but i just miss you baby. i miss having you around me. i miss how you would act like a big egoistic man, and tell me that with you, everything will be alright. and even if the sky would to fall, you would be there to protect me. to be there, to never leave. to hold my hand and tell me that you never want to let it go.

ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY

2011-01-16T15:21:00.002+08:00

Both of you disappointed me. dont tell me that i have changed cause its both of you who made me feel this way. both of you forgot about me twice. and yes, its enough for me. i dont understand why i still consider both of you as my most wonderful primary school friends. both of you really forgotten about me twice. both og you keep going out with one another and both of you totally forgotten about me. im sorry for saying all this but, yes, i had enough.

i really want to be back together with you. you may not be the most wonderful and perfect man. but i really want to get back together you. i want us to end like a fairy tale story. i am still waiting for you. i really am. i believe that soon, you will at least start talking to me. baby, dont lie to me. you said you will always be here for me. you said that we will always be good friends and always there for each other. yes, i'm expecting a little bit more. but can you please start talking to me? i really miss you so much. i want to text you so badly.

HUNDRED AND SEVENTY NINE

2011-01-12T22:51:00.001+08:00

i didnt know loving you was so difficult. i hate how much i try to forget and its still so difficult. its my o level year this year. i have to concentrate on my studies now. and yet now my mind is filled with you all of a sudden. trying to cry every night but i cant. i dont know why but i think im too upset to even cry about it. knowing you would never return. do you still love me baby? :( why wouldnt you tell me now. i remember this few days that the week that i didnt talk to you, you were so sad. :( are you as sad as you were last time, now? :( tell me will you ? :D i miss you so much baby. i really do. come back soon will you? we have not been talking for around 3 months already ! :D its enough. i had it already. i cant take it anymore. baby, 3 months is enough. :(

HUNDRED AND SEVENY EIGHT

2010-12-29T21:37:00.003+08:00

*THE POST BELOW IS NOT FOR THE EYES OF A TEENAGER BELOW 15.*
you mother fucking asshole. you got no rights to lecture me! it is my wall, my status, you are nobody and you got hell no rights to lecture me about it. if writing the word bitch makes you think im talking about her. you know what? it shows alot. it shows that you dont have trust in her and that you really think she is a bitch yourself. i was so pissed when you did that. i am not talking about her. why cant you understnad. there is no reason why i have to hate her anymore. ii dont love you anymore! sorry but the person i love now is chin h.l instead of you. get a life mr. i had it already, i cant believe why you would ask me the question of why i will think its her. she is your girlfriend, and of course she is the first person i think of. she is your bloody girlfriend. i swear, if i was able to post this after i saw all the messages, more vulgarities will come out. i'm so freaking upset. so fucking upset. i cant believe you do that. i dont want to have anything to do with any of you already. i swear. i didnt even think of you when i post everything. stop it already. i'm done and over with it.

chin h.l , i miss you and i so desperately want you to know that. i really love you alot but somehow you arent texting me at all. tell me when the message will finally come will you? its always like that. always! people just have to leave, what is up with people leaving and coming. why cant you just stay ? i really dont know what to say. baby. please text me soon again will you? please baby.

i'm 15, and i have a life. i have my own friends, i have my own lifestyle. i drink but so!? cant i drink. if you dont drink, good for you ! you are the worldest most obedient child. but sorry, i'm not a good girl at all ! i drink, and i will drink like crazy. i will do anything i want, cause its my own life! so you should just not care about it at all. cause i like to drink and i want to drink and i want to get drunk ! get it? DRINK DRANK DRUNK ! so i want to drink and its my problem. sorry, but so what if im the fucking president? i have a life! i really do. i hate it! i want my own life and nobody can stop me, so dont expect a stupid post to do the job of making me change.

ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY SEVEN

2010-12-22T01:57:00.002+08:00

there's always a reason why people want to drink and get drunk. there are so many different kind of reasons:
1. i just want to get drunk and know how it feels like.
2. fuck my life, my family and school, i want to drink.
3. screw you, you cant control me!
4. troubles.
5. drinking rules, and it makes you forget about things.
and i drank during the chalet, desperately wanting to get drunk and forget about everything. during the whole time of the chalet, i was thinking about you. really thinking about everything that happened, and i'm sorry baby. i cried the hell out of myself. i need you so badly without me, myself knowing it. i just need you to be in my life. i dont want anybody to walk into my life and just walk out. cause i know that somewhat or rather, you will always have a place in my heart. and no one can replace that place you have in my heart. where are you? 6 more days, its your birthday, am i suppose to wish you? when i was tipsy and totally feel like wasting myself, i wanted to send you a text, just to let you know that i love you baby. just to let you know that it has been months, but i still love you. it aint that easy and i hate it for being like that. tell me why, but being with you, makes me feel so comfortable. still remembering the time we got together, you took up the challenge of wanting to make me forget about him. and you did, you replace him in being the most important person. but then soon after you left. so now, tell me what am i suppose to do. i still want to drink and get wasted. like totally drunk. no matter how much i want to say that i love my family so much, it stinks the fuck out of everything. my sister smokes, she drinks, but i think she is the most awesome sister i ever had. and i love her alot. my parents know nothing about my friends. and i dont know whether i should be happy or sad about it? they seem to care and be worried about my sister more than me. its assuring that they trust me, but hey, i still need the concern. they dont know anything that i do outside, they dont know what kind of friends i have. i got so many friends from so many places, yet everytime i tell them that i go out, i cant even bother to explain, cause they wont even know. so why bother. really, why bother? tell me again, how long does it takes for me to breakdown and quit this kind of double life that i'm leading. i'm a person when i get home, i'm another one when i go out. so freaking different. cause there are so many things that i'm hiding that no one knows. not even my sister. so hell with it. i'm so tired. officially tired. and still, i just want you here by my side, baby.

OKP, i hope you're really alright. i'm so worried. i hope you have past your moody days alright. take care and please do know that i'm still here for you. and i hope that i have a place in your heart too. even if it's at a small top right hand corner of your heart. its good enough for me to know that at least i occupy a tiny winy space in that big heart of yours.

HUNDRED SEVENTY SIX

2010-12-14T15:25:00.003+08:00

i'm coming back to school almost everyday, doing the same old stuff over and over again. really, i want to step down so badly that nothing can describe. after the secondary one orientation, i will slowly start leaving things into my juniors hands. knowing myself, i know i wont be able to let go. cause i love being in council so badly. the course ask me to elaborate about my council journey. and trust me, its not just about doing stuff and stepping down cause there is so much more to it. knowing that there are so many friends by your side, the amount of fun and laughter, there is so much things that can never be describe. i will never want to leave if i can ever have a choice. i lost so many things when i came into council, my friends, my good friends, my boyfriend. how much things can i afford to lose actually?

i miss you so badly. i remembered how you supported me to become the president. how you comforted me and felt that i was damn upset when i became the vice president. how you were happy and comforted me again when i suddenly became the president. how you tell me and whispered to me by my ear that you have faith in me that i will be the one of a kind president. where has this actually all gone to? where is it? i want that feeling back again. where is it? like i told superman yesterday, there's something i can find in them that i can never find in both of you anymore, something is different and i know it. its something that cant be find back anymore. i really dont know how to find back that kinda feeling anymore, whatsmore, you arent talking to me at all. so actually, tell me what am i suppose to do when you are doing this to me. when you arent texting me, when you dont want to bother about me. your birthday is coming and christmas is coming. i want to celebrate your birthday with you. i want to celebrate christmas with you again! can you please let that happen? is that too much to ask for? or is there already somebody else celebrating with you? baby, tell me cause i need to know. cause you know, i still love you.

superman, like what i said yesterday, somethings cant be found anymore. somethings are different already. i cant find back the feeling we once had anymore. its her and i said it. i'm sorry if it makes you ponder about alot of things. but i'm glad that i said it out. you have no idea what a relief it is. i cant hide it anymore. yes, i am not her fan, i will never be ! accept it. she is taking you for granted and i hate somebody who is taking my friend for granted. i dont like it at all. i dont want her to do this to you at all. somethings are gone, forever gone and we can never find it back anymore. it will never come back. so we just have to accept it and move on baby. cause thats the way things goes. do know that whatever it is, i'm still here and i know you will always be there. i love you.

HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FIVE

2010-12-09T20:52:00.003+08:00

i want to sms you so badly now. i dont want to lose a friend like you at all. do you understand? do i have to wait for almost 8 to 9 months to get a message from you like how i waited for his message that i thought would never come? should i sms you? knowing that you wont reply, makes me feel that there aint a point even if i text you. what am i suppose to do? i just want you back as a good friend of mine now. is it really that difficult? really? damn it! text or dont text?

JIN LIANG! really, i need you so badly. feel safe by your side. dont ask me why but, yah. i love sitting next to you and listening to you talk about your gandie. hahahas. you got no idea how much laughter that topic brings to me. i really want to meet up with you more often alright? :D

HUNDRED AND SEVETY FOUR

2010-12-09T00:14:00.003+08:00

Tell me what i am thinking now. i really have no idea at all. really, all the comments that everyone, including you, is saying, is making me go crazy. it makes me so confuse and i totally dont know what i should do. i really actually miss you so much. but do i still love you? we dont usually hang out that often. now, i just miss you being in my life. i miss how you would text me every single day. tell me now what you really want to do. :(

thank you, sillysuperman for all your constant messages and sweet stuff. you're the most awesome person ever. everytime anything happens, you somehow know it and you reappear ! :D like i have always said, you have always been in the top right hand corner of my heart. its always there and has never been forgotten. we should really meet up soon ! you should start dropping knowledge into my brain and i should start eating in front of you. hahahahs. that will be the most awesome thing ever. thank you so much for being there ! :D

thank you, sweetlove for just being you. you have been awesome. and we also need to go out soon sometime ! we need to start talking more normally. hahahhas ! thank you for the constant spurring thing you have done for me. it has been awesome. we should go and watch a movie again ! :D

thank you, calvin lee jing liang ! went talking with you today and it was fantastic. you have to stop gambling darling. stop alright ! i have to also stop nagging at you. dont gamble anymore. start drinking with me. hahahahs ! really you should start drinking with me ! drink as in drink and get awesome. we need to meet up more often and have fun !

baby, tell me something i dont know. i want to have you back as my good friend at least. baby, its time to come home.

HUNDRED AND SEVENTY THREE

2010-11-22T23:54:00.003+08:00

you walked away while i wanted to fight on. i dont know what to do. a word from you would be nice but it didnt came. i just want to know that you're alright. was it really that difficult? i know its impossible for us to get back together and i am getting over it already. i really want to be friends. i want us to celebrate christmas like how we did last year. celebrate your birthday with you again. i really want to. but i dont think i will have the chance to ever again. why does it have to end this way ? i really dont like it this way at all. can you dont hurt yourself? really? dont hurt yourself. i amso worried about you. really. what's wrong? i am so hurt. i know its over but friends? where did it go? i need you really so badly. i just want to know that you're alright my love. why is that so difficult? there is more to it. if it is what i think it is. i understnad why we broke up. i am sorry for not being the perfect girlfriend you ever have. sorry for tarnishing your first impression of having the perfect girlfriend. i am still hurt about what you said darling. i miss you so much. why wouldnt you reply me. i dont need everyone to care about me. what i really need is you. i am starting to start crying all over again cause the break up feeling is coming up over again. i miss you my boy.

ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY TWO

2010-11-21T20:40:00.002+08:00

sorry that i loved you . sorry for causing so much unhappiness in your life, my love. but really, what can i do now except for being worried ? super super worried and yet all i can do is to ask my friends about you and text you, knowing you wont reply . this is not what i expected after we break up . really, this wasnt what i expected . not crying that often doesnt mean that i dont care, but actually it just means that i became stronger ever since last time . please dont think that because i didnt cry means i dont love you at all . cause i love everyone with all my might . even if this was a fling for you, it wasnt for me. cause i never regret knowing you . not at all . cause you use to play an important part in my life and you still will . i texted you three times, and the only time you replied me was to ask me to take care . i believe that you're different, pelase dont make me assume wrongly . i believe that this aint the ending, its the beginning for us . for us to be good friends like how we used to be last time . i remembered, before we broke up, you kept asking me whether we would be friends after it happened, i did not know how to answer you and said : we will be, but after a long time of not talking to each other. we have not been talking to each other for a month and twelth days already . its going to be two months soon, and i wonder after how long after then we would be talking . i went to taiwan, and i thought you would text me but you didnt. i held on to the thought that you would text me and on my phone till the very last minute. i was disappointed, you did not text me. i came back from taiwan, and i thought you would text me but you didnt. i kept waiting untill i lost hope and i knew i was waiting for something that would never come . i know there's something going on now, but you're not saying anything and all i can do is to be worried . i love you and i know i have done so much damage to you . i know nothing i do can mend the damage i done to you . i am really sorry . seeing things around me and i remember what we always do together . going to school everyday, walking to the bus stop and i think about you, about us . kissing you goodbye, not wanting you to go, afraid i would lose you. going up my lift everyday, looking at the bench where you always sit and wait for me to be done . sitting there, playing the stupid game on your phone . going to school, always going up the stairs, and i remembered this was the place we use to secretly give each other small notes. i wonder do you still keep the small notes i give you in your wallet. do you ? i can still name so many things that i see that will remind me about you. but whats the point of doing all this when its making me so upset. please be alright. please take care of yourself silly boy. please. thats the only thing i ask from you. please my love. please.

ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY ONE

2010-10-26T17:35:00.002+08:00

cause i need to start living life for myself aye? i dont know what to do anymore. cause apparently, you saw the message and you didnt reply. is this really what you want? i want to leave singapore so badly. :/ cant wait for the taiwan trip to come cause i had enough. i dont know what you want and i am torturing myself. i run out of tears. i dont know how to describe how i am feeling cause i am the one in fault and the choice is yours. :/ but you're not making a choice and you're leaving me hanging there. what do you expect from me? at least tell me won't you? cause i miss you baby. i really do. i want you back so badly, but how much do you actually know? i dont think you know anything at all. :/ cause i am losing hope, losing faith.

ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY

2010-10-09T22:10:00.003+08:00

do you know there's so much things i want to tell you already ? i am fucking desperate for you now. i really miss you so freaking much. i want you back so badly. yes its my fault. what you have done for me to show that you care, yes i know about it. but thought about how i am feeling. i am not something that you can throw around. how upsetting it can be when i know that. i dont deny that yes, you care, alot. but the way.. its just wrong. i need it directly from you insted of through somebody. i want to talk to you so badly, but, the minute i look at you. its enough for me to handle. the whole torturous cycle happens again. how damn tiring it is do you even know. can never believe that you would even say that teenage relationships wont last. dont break my heart anymore would you? its enough already. what you have said, its in my heart already. just stop it. dont associate you life with me anymore. dont. just dont. i had enough already. dont think that i am not upset cause i didnt make a big wooohaaa about it or because i didnt cry in school like what i used to. this time the hurt is so great. i wonder why it is also. but maybe it came too sudden. i took you for granted, its my fault. i caused this relationship to fail. but the retribution i am getting is already more and enough. my eoys are like.. didnt even study a single shit. aint that just awesome. when you start to lose the love of your life, you just have to go through this period of hibernation. like you're practically in your own world. and yes that is what i am going through now. grauduation day.. going to see you and that's like sad ! :/ you're leaving school in another one week. enjoy your last week of school life and, i know you will do damn darn good for your o levels. take care, my love.

ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY NINE

2010-09-15T19:32:00.003+08:00

the question is, have you been reading. there was this few months when this blog and the entire point of why i keep writing out how i felt was because of you. you hurt me so much yknow? during sec two i was hurt for alot of months. alot alot of months. the whole cycle goes on and on. but this time do you actually know how much you actually hurt me. maybe one day, just like last time you will be reading this and realise how much of a jerk you have always been to me. do you know how much i cherish you. i thought you know me so well that i would never have to tell you anything and you would always know. yes, i have changed. i am no longer the superwoman you know. maybe you are not destined to be my superman for long. you being my superman was one of the most awesome days of my life. cause i knew that no matter how much times i fall, you will always be there for me. i am always constantly worried about you but are you worried about me? or have you just given up. my heart felt like it has been smack into thousand of pieces. do you know how many times you have done that already? my heart has been shattered into a millions pieces because of you. and instead of being concern about me, you are one of those that comes to point your fingers at me? how much it actually hurts, do yknow? i need you so much now and yet where are you? how many times have i keep crying because of you. isnt it enough? how much have we been through. its all gone like that. was putting faith in you the wrong thing for me to do? so what if i have alot of other friends. sometimes what i need is just you. arent you my superman? so now that i need you, where are you? maybe thats why there will never be two superheros in a story. its either superman or superwoman. there wouldnt be a day of coexsistance right?

we have been through so much in the start of the year. i thought, yes finally you're fine and everything would be back to normal. but nothing is normal anymore. cause both of us changed. and there was nothing i can do about it. you left me again and again. i dont even know whether you're still my good friend. if talking could represent everything, i know you left. nevermind, i am so immune to that isnt it? if you think you dont matter to me. i am sorry to say but you do alot alot alot. i needed you to be there but you joined them. if that was eventually what you really think about me then so be it.

this chapter of my life is done. its about the ending of three of our best friendship that i thought i always had. why must everything be filled with so much thoughts? why cant just one thing be true. so much to grumble but in the end i know that i still just have to stay strong.

HUNDRED SIXTY EIGHT

2010-09-02T21:41:00.002+08:00

yknow how much i really actually miss your constant nagging by my ear. read so much, wonder which one was it that was meant for me. i am gonna cry like immediately. you're the most wonderful guy i ever met in my life. life won't be the same without you, my boy. we drift and come back together again. how much more of this can i take on? imissyousomuch. i hope you're living your wondeful life with awesome friends around you. i want things to be the same as last time but i know, i realise that it would not, never again. things can never be the same anymore. we have so much quarrels, big and small ones, however this time its MAJOR. maybe you forgotten about why we quarreled. or why we even stop talking to each other. but maybe i bear grudges, i still remember, i am still waiting for the day that that message would come. i perservered, i waited. that message that i waited for a very long time came. its now your turn. or should i be the one to send you the message. i know if i want to leave secondary school with a smile, turn back and say 'my life has been awesome for that past 4 years'. before i leave, i got to talk to you, clear things up, tell you that you mean the world to me and i would never want to lose you ever again. like i said, regret? of course i did, is it time for you/me to say sorry? the answer is 'nah'. time will come. never break any promise you gave to me. every promise you gave meant alot to me. when the time comes, things will take its course naturally. i lose the most important person in my life and thats you. please dont let me lose anything or anybody anymore. half of my heart went dead when you left me. iloveyou,myboy. :D

ONE HUNDRED SIXTY SEVEN

2010-07-14T22:33:00.002+08:00

sometimes life just has to go on no matter how sad you are. things are in your heart, the best way its just to let it out. and this is my way of letting go. no matter how tired i am, i still have to do it. this is the way life goes, it just has to go on and on. i want to rest but how can i rest? i just got to move on and on. but trust me, this time, there will be no turning back. just move forward. SHERRIN POK ! ITS TIME TO MOTIVATE YOURSELF AND MOVE FORWARD.

HUNDRED AND SIXTY SIX

2010-05-23T21:59:00.002+08:00

AFTER MONTHS OF HIBERNATION :

so much happen and yet, i am not doing anything to improve the situation. 1157 pm now. suppose to be sleeping yet just still awake. cant sleep thinking about too much. people that i am suppose to be talking to aint talking to me. people that i thought would never be there is there. why is my world turning topsy turny ? hahahs ! what kinda ass english is that. after so much that happen. i am the president but so? doesnt seem like i am very happy. months left before i step down. face reality, not much time left if i really want to do something for the council.

i quarrelled with you. do you know how much it actually hurts? we have been through so much and quarreling with you is always the last thing that i ever want. not that i've change, but thats how it goes baby. nothing i can do about it. i really hope that you would understand where i am coming from. sorry for not being there. sorry for not understanding how you feel. failed as a best friend of yours. failed terribly. never ever wanted you to leave me. thought you will always be there. yes, i gave up the chance. but i am so tired. tired of being bothered about every single thing. i am sorry baby. tears rolling down, but what can i say? regret? i know i will regret but its for the best at where i am standing now. nothing much matters, cause all i want is to see you truly happy. all those nonsense that i said, i just say it so that i can overcome myself. but all i want is to see you happy. maybe fate has something else instored for us. the world is round. maybe one day you will be back. one day, i will realise that i really need you. but i apologise, sincerly apologise, the day is not today, the day is not now.

i miss you baby. miss you so much. awfully much. we have not been seeing each other. you leaving me is as crappy as him leaving me. both of you are so awfully important. do you know how much it hurts for me to act and pretend that nothing of this is really affecting me? yet, for the past few nights, i have been crying myself to bed. trying to be strong. i am stronger than last time but it seriously hurts so much. my heart seems to be breaking down again and again. just like last time. every time, the smiling faces of your messages are gone, you know how much i feel that i failed to be able to make you happy? to see you smile is all that matters, to see you working hard towards your goal is all that matters. i love you baby. i really do. i might not love you as much as i can, but you do matter to me. so important and precious. i am sorry for everything that happen. sorry for every quarrel i made out. every nonsense ever said cause ultimately, i just want to let you know that i love you. i am a bitch, failed you terribly. i am sorry baby. sorry for evey single thing.

my lovely boy, the one i hate. the one i yet love so much. loving you, being together with you was one of the happiest day of my life that i will never forget. still reminicising about the past up till today. i hate myself for being so hopeless. i dont even have the courage to talk to you. i always try to act and pretend that you dont really matter to me. but actually the smile on your face is something that i always want it to remain on your cute and gorgeuous face. something i will never do anything to tear it down. something i wished that it was always there. baby, i miss you. you seem so close yet far. i will never be able to keep you by my side. not even a single chance. the chance that i doubt will ever be in the presence of me. you leaving was a decision that had to be done, had to be made. no matter how much it hurts i just want to see you be happy. happy for the rest of your life.

girls, sentimental one. sometimes, being a sentimental girl is not that good. leaving in the past. not wanting to move forward. and i know i have something so awesome and wonderful just right infornt of me. not wanting to do anything to hurt him cause i love him too. i dont want to hurt him not even a single bit. just want to love him, teasure him and give him all. yet, i am just a complete failure. not being able to do anything of the above. maybe, the affairs of the heart was something that i have should never ever do anything about it and just leave it.

HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE

2010-05-08T13:22:00.006+08:00

THE DAY AFTER FRIDAY ..
after so much things that happen .. sometimes , nothing i say or do can be in of any help . i thought even we arent really as close as real good friends are suppose to be , we would be friends for a long time . but suddenly you seemed so strange to me .. we arent talking .. we seem like strangers .. do you have any idea how much it actually hurts me ? what am i to you uh ? suddenly i wonder .. why are more and more people leaving ? it hurts me so much as if i have been lifted up to sky and thrown on the ground over and over and over again .. how much of these , slamming can i still endure ? i am falling sick every second . physically heart cramps every now and then , so depended on medicine . feel just like a sick cat .. what am i suppose to do ? so much things to say , so much things that cant be said .. whats the point ?

HUNDRED AND SIXTY FOUR

2010-04-04T21:17:00.002+08:00

THE NIGHT OF 4TH APRIL
stop thinking to highly of yourself either.

NUMBER ONE : its their mouth not mine ! i got over talking about you and her . i dont give much concern whether you are together with her . and sorry , the fact about them talking about you is because in their eyes , you are the flirt . not me . in their eyes , you are the one going girls-hopping . not me .
NUMBER TWO : yes , its last minute . but your instructions were UNCLEAR , leader . i know you dont want to work with me but do you have a choice ? you dont . so why cant you just do it properly ? i am not kiasu , cause you dont seem to realise what unclear instructions you gave . suddenly take people and give me people ? we are last minute but the fact that you dont tell me anything , come on . act like a leader , be a leader .
NUMBER THREE : be a gentleman . after so long , you still hold the grudge . do you know how to let go of the past ? and stop harpping on it ? sorry but i am not going to suffer . stop doing all these bullshit crap things and start studying okay . get your priorities right . you are having your major exams already so please , wake up .

ILOVEJESUS !
thank you for blessing me with _____ . i took a breath , look around and found many people who care around me . thank you . and cherishing them is what you thought me . :D
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND SIXTY THREE

2010-03-27T22:09:00.004+08:00

THE NIGHT OF 27th MARHCH
you left me utterly speechless.

you got no idea what you did to me was awfully hurting . you made me want to cry . you made me really want to give up everything . i got no idea . am i really that scary to you ? tell me then . you seriously got to get out of my life . you're affecting me too much and this shouldn't be the way . cause you dont bother about me already , and so should i . seriously , long ago , was time i forgot about you . you think its really fun to hear people keep telling me that : its time its time , forget about that jerk . you think its nice ? you are affecting me overly much . i dont know what to do . forgetting you seem so difficult . maybe i forgot already , but you just seem to be affecting me so much . i really dont know what i am feeling now . but all i know , now , you shouldnt be my top priority , but you are . you shouldnt be affecting me in anyway at all ! i shouldnt be bothering about whatever you're doing or anything . i am the one who is taking work and private relationship seperately , its you who is hiding away . i am already trying to face you , to talk to you and discuss things with you nicely . you made it this way . i already , tried . you're just hurting me non stop . every little action you do , dont think that it isnt affecting me , cause even the smallest action you do affects me greatly and awfully much . i know you dont want to talk to me , thats why that time when mswong ask me to talk to you , i said i dont want . cause i know you wont want to talk to me . this time , if i had a choice i also dont want to talk to you cause i know you will be unhappy and give me attitude . so i was right , you did it . seriously , i just want speech day to be over . its giving me utter unhappiness . its causing tears in my eyes every minute . thinking about how you could affect me . really hurts me alot . cause you used to be the one that bring me smiles , and make my worries disappear . but now , you're the one causing all my tears and sorrows . i know my life should be filled with happiness and smiles . but now , it isnt going to way it is suppose to . you arent affected by anything cause you dont care . you couldnt care less . tears are overflowing from my eyes . too much tears , never ending . everything isnt going the way i expected it to be . i never thought forgetting you would be easy , but neither did i know it will be so difficult . we felt that this is for the best so tell me why am I in tears ? So far away and now I just need you here . We fell so far away from where we used to be . Now we're standing and where do we go ? When there's no road to get to your heart , i thought we could start over again , but i was wrong . when i told my friends i felt that you were the special one for me , they called me a fool . i guess i am just a sucker for love . people try to tell me but i refuse to listen because they dont spend time with you . they dont know how you used to treat me . how you used to treat me so well and treat me like i was everything to you . how much obstacles we went through just to be together with each other . it time to put myself before others , to be a little for selfish . to worry about myself , before worrying about others . but sometimes , a leopard doesnt change its spots . it isnt that easy to change , that easy to let go . but at least , i tried .

ILOVEJESUS !
the faith the strength , show me that road to where i should be heading .
AMEN ! :D

HUNDRED AND SIXTY TWO

2010-03-26T05:20:00.002+08:00

THE MORNING OF 26TH MARCH . :D
still yet thinking about so much things .

yesterday, what you did to me . if you have no idea, it really hurt me alot . so much . i was really angry that you didnt really want to even talk to me when it was something necessary . am i really that terrifying ? whatever it is, you really left me speechless . its going to be four months soon . it's time isnt it ? sorry but i really dont have the courage to let go . i really am trying to hold on the love . not for anyone to see, but i just know i still want to . unable to let go and its causing me hell . i really dont know what to do . everything i want , just vanish with my 4 failed subjects . really upset , really want it . ahhhhhh ! whatever . dont wished to continue talking about it . stepping up real soon , and i just want to keep the moral of the 12ytsc up high to heaven . :D anw , justin bieber new album is out ! :D

ILOVEJESUS !
i pray that everything will go well soon . he will be happy like always . let nothing pull him down from studying . :D for that small boy , to study his awesome best and do well for his O'levels . for him to really , slowly but surely , find someone , worth of his love . :D for me to have the faith and that perserverance to wait , continue studying awfully hard and love him . dear lord, make the choice for me . i should leave my life in your hands . but what i am feeling now, what is it ? you're my savior , my one and only jesus christ . i have faith in you and believe that in your hands everything will be alright . in your name, i pray.
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND SIXTY ONE

2010-03-24T22:31:00.002+08:00

NOTHING TO DO !
i think that good friends are hard to find . i believe that true friends will always be there for you . i think that i am a complete failure . i believe that my chances are gone . i think that it's over . i believe that it doesnt matter . i think that my life is great . i believe it can be awesome . i think that homework sucks . i believe that it is to do us good . i think that you are all that i need . i believe i should be able to lead life without you . i think that laughing means happy . i believe that genuine smiles are hard to find . i think that i am moving on . i believe i'm still stuck in the past . i think that you're an awesome guy . i believe you will find somebody who really loves you . i think all i need is the courage to move on . i believe JESUS will give me this courage .

the courage to let go , move on and lead my awesome life . today , i miss you again . miss all the things that we used to do together . when it was all about me and you . i am waiting . still waiting . i know you dont care . i know its over . but just leave me in my lalaland . just let me think that you will come back to me one day . just let me be . just let me lead my imaginary life that i really love and will be able to move on . one day , just one day , i know i will be able to get out of it . but when is that one day ? i never know . i dont wish to know . cause all i want is to be right back with you .

HUNDRED AND SIXTY

2010-03-17T23:46:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BRITHDAY SILLYSUPERMAN ! :D
its your birthday , oldman ! at least i text you the whole afternoon ! :D really miss those times that we were always chatting with each other . :D remember what you promise me yeah . and i will try to promise you to study hard and share things with you . :D really happy that you are sooo super duper loving with your girlfriend yeah . :D STAY HAPPY ALWAYS YEAH ! remember , no matter what , i am still here for you ! :D
so many things happen . i already told you how i felt . i dont know what to think already . i just dont want this kind of thing to continue anymore . i really cant pass myself . i am the obstacle . i cant face you . why dont you seem to understand ? you're my awesome friend yknow . you're so important to me that i dont want to do anything to ruin our friendship . you may think that i am really making bullshit out . but looking at you being upset and everything , i am not happy . not the slightest happiness in me at all , yknow ? i am really really upset . i don know what to think anymore . saturday will come soon . till then , this is really just how i feel .
ILOVEJESUS !
i hope he is safe and alright . hope that he can learn alot alot of things . :D i pray that my honey will be happy and alright . that he wont worry so much anymore . :D and for me to have the strength to carry on . :D
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND FIFTY NINE

2010-03-10T19:33:00.002+08:00

RANDOM POST , ON A RANDOM WEDNESDAY !

just for your information this is going to be a long long post . cause i realise , so much things to say . about everything that is happening . i realise , you can trust so many people , but the person you always thought wont betray you , or even go around spreading rumours about you is always the one doing it . you actually have no idea how much it seriously hurts when i heard that . i thought you would understand me by now . but apparently you dont yknow . cause seriously , this time , you changed . to become on the other side of the river . and knowing how scary you can be , makes me very fearful of you . i dont know why , but really , when i want to tell you something , now , i have to stop myself from doing it . cause i really have no idea what you have up your sleeves . please be the old you that you were . will you ? maybe , i got too used with you somehow or rather always being there for me . second thing that i realise , it is really tiring to go to school everyday , always being high and smiling always . actually it is a very tiring thing to do . i asked , fred today , was it really necessary to lie/put on a fake front , just to make a person happy ? he answered me back with a : yes . if i can make people around me happy , i will . when they are happy , i guess i will genuinely be happy after that . sometimes , the questions just keep going round and round my head . it makes sense however , it's really tiring when you just cant take it after awhile and you have to disappoint everyone around you again . cause nobody will really know the inner you , the one that you're suppose to be when you unmask yourself . the next thing , i realise about myself is that , after so long , really not much things change . somewhat or a rather , it really hurts when i tried looking up to find familiar faces around and realise , you arent in my life anymore . and it has been a few months already . so many months past , so many things changed . you changed , he changed , so many things changed . nowadays , the feeling , the feeling of being a teary bitch came back yknow . it just seriously hurt so much , seeing yourself in the mirror and realise the drastic mood change . somewhat trying to ask myself why i am like that . trying to use everything but not you as a reason why . but always realising at the end , its always about you . if you have no idea , if you're clueless . let me tell you something , you have been affecting me . still . surprise ? dont be . like i always say , deep down , actually nothing changed . the special someone that is always here for me . thank you . i really appreciate it alot . there is alot alot of secrets between us i guess , just know that you're very important to me now yeah . cause now , losing you is the last thing that i ever want to happen to me . if i could, i wont mind tying you up with a chain and holding it always . sometimes , i just want to go back to when i was young . when everything was just so fun and innocent . when , i realise , i could be my parent's little baby and not worry about anything . when nothing really mattered to me in my mind except for the fact that i need food , if i dont i cry . :D that's the best part of my entire life isnt it ? sometimes , i just really want to be your baby once again .
ILOVEJESUS !
praying for the same thing over and over again . you realise . i know , i am keeping the faith ongoing . but how long can this continue , i really need you to give me the strength to continue moving .
AMEN !

HUNDRED FIFTY EIGHT

2010-03-07T17:26:00.002+08:00

THIS IS HOW WE DO IT , THIS IS HOW WE ROCK ! :D

hahahhas . busy week ! :D got the MOE excel fest to do . hahahas . but guess everything went well . awesome actually . :D bonding together with the two juniors . spending like 24 hours , talking and presenting nonstop . was actually quite fun . cause i met so many people . like people form broadrick , hwa chong , raffles and sooooo much more ! met somebody , i never thought i would . everything was AWESOME cause at the end of the day , at least somebody sent me home . so not bad not bad . :D today went to church ! true happiness PART 3 . no idea how many parts there will be . but yeahman . i enjoy church and i love jesus ! :D woooootssss ! :D hahahas . i think i got alot of uncompleted homework . but i am tooo lazy to do .
HONEY , sorry that i didnt accompany you . and thank you for letting me bite you in church today . muhahahahhas . :D study hard yeah . and maybe you should try to look like justin bieber . hahahahhas . cause he is like A HUNDRED TIMES cuter than you . :x whatever it is , thank you for trying to spend the last few days with me . :D
FAN OF PETER CHAO ! hahaahahas . yknow if i am talking about you . muhahahhas . :D find a proper girlfriend soon and dont say that i never think of you and rarely blog about you alright ! :D jiayous in doing all your work yeah . :D
YOU , nothing much to say . but think you're doing fine and awesome . so yupp . just live the life you want yeah . study hard man ! :D jiayous jiayous . dont give up !
ILOVEJESUS ! :D
praying for the same thing . over and over again . having that faith . :D hahahas . prayed for both of them as usual . then myself . :D hahahahas . i love you !
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND FIFTY SEVEN

2010-02-28T20:50:00.003+08:00

FORGIVE AND FORGET ! :D

hahahs . went to church today . and it was awesome can . it is about keys to a fufilling marriage but come on , it can apply to a relationship also . :D hahahas . KEY POINTS : TRUTH , TRUST AND TOLERANCE ! how many actually can fufil all these things ? difficult . super duper difficult . :D but if you are determine , everything is possible . :D so much things happen . getting scolded like almost everytime about everything i do . but , at least i have somebody always by my side . and that's the best thing that i can have now . :D hahahahas .

AWESOME HONEY ! :D fabulous , fantastic and everything . thank you for always being there for me and telling me that eating lobster will _______ my _____ . hahahahahs ! idiotic man ! :D and i am going to bite you next sunday again ! :D thank you . hahahahs . study more and study hard yeah ! :D all your mind should be filled with study study and more study . :d

SUPERMAN ! apparently , talking to you is like talking to a wall . :D hahahahs . take care of yourself . i cant be bothered about how people look at you . how everyone look at you . from my point of view , you're the bestest , most awesome bestfriend anybody could have . :D please take care of youself and dont let me worried ! :D congratulations on you mission to conquer that 5km run ! :D jiayous ! know that you still can achieve something big and awesome ! :D

YOU . guess everything is alright between both of you now . just study hard yeah . work hard for your n levels . :D nothing matters more than your n levels now . :D smile and stay happy always . :D be happy with her yeah . :D

awesome ! :D going to get my iphone on tuesday ! superb happy . :D going to get myself a new wallet man ! :D march ! a new month , a new beginning again ! :D hahahahs . what crap am i talking man ! :D hahahahahs ! whatever it is , i am happy now , i am fabulous and my life is AWESOME ! with AWESOME friends around me .
ILOVEJESUS ! :D
know what i prayed again ? :D for both of them to be friends , for both of them to study hard , for both of them to be happy . know what i prayed next ? for me to have the strength to carry on . for me to have everlasting smiles and laughters , that could allow me to walk through the jouney . :D
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND FIFTY SIX

2010-02-21T20:37:00.003+08:00

WHEN I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS GOING JUST FINE .

apparently nothing is going fine . its always like that when my morale starts going up , something or someone just have to pull it down right ? its always like that . and it feels like bullshit . :D so many things happen .

FRIDAY .
ohman . so many bullshit ! cant be bothered to explain . but felt as if why must it always be both of them . making me feel so super sandwiched in between . when i could neither help this , nor can i help that . cause i need to stay neutral and stuff . come on , that's apparently bullshit ! :D
HONEY , i will always be there for you de lah . and i guess you should know that . so if got anything , i am still here to lend you a listening ear . relax and calm down yeah , you're a smart boy so you know what to do . no need to worry about you so much after you know what to do . :D at least you're doing what's best for you . :D study hard for your o levels bird brain ! :D
SUPERMAN , you asked me whether it was council or friends ? friends . just like you . council always seem like my life . but it's friends that are more important . not the council post , not the power . it just to be there for people who were always there for you . to be there for them .
YOU , take care of yourself . stop getting into unecessary trouble please . you got major exams this year also , so just study and do your best . stepping down soon , there aint any point to make so much trouble . still here , never gone . so if you need a listening ear or anything , know that i will be here . or maybe you just have somebody else . glad that you're happy .

SATURDAY !
went to school and do council stuff . so super AWESOME ! hahahas . get to bond with my juniors . and had alot alot of funny things . realise that JONAS is so super funny . with so many funny expression . then after everything went to eat lunch with weijie and jikang . and laugh and laugh because of what jikang always say . the three idiots = jikang , kenny , marcus . :D hahahas . then went to meet kaiwen . accompany him do BB admin stuff for while and went to play ball with jiajun ! :D AWESOME , FUN ! :D super funny , and jiajun is very very very funny ! :D did bridge with him . i swear , i think we are people with no stamina , and we can die ! :D thank you kaiwen for everything . really made my day .

SUNDAY , TODAY .
went to church as per normal . it was about handling the feeling of guilt . and it is so damn true . you just can see people doing it everyday , every minute . hahahahs . then went to causeway to study with joan , shirlyn and peiyee . OMG ! joan buy ear piece like choosing husband can !? LOL ! everything was just fun . then study study . apparently i guess i was the only one who was studying , so yah . :D people who are reading can picture the senerio ! and dont sound shock and start laughing to yourself , SHERRIN POK DO STUDY ! :D try studying with me and you will be shock . then went to walk walk . bought facial wash from faceshop ! :D hahahas . then wanted to buy a billabong new wallet but didnt have enough money . going to get it soon . but still must consider , cause it seems like it's so girl ! hahahahs . totally dont seem to suit me in anyway . :D hahahahas . then ate magee noodles for dinner again . and i am here blogging . :D

problems are never ending yeah . always coming up one after another . it just never ends . i have no idea when things will really start improving . when bad things will really stop . i am flipping and flipping the page , but the book just seems to be so thick that there's always never an ending to this chapter . to this phase of my life . when will it start to stop . when will things just start going the way i expect it to be ?
ILOVEJESUS !
i prayed today . you know what i prayed for ? for both of them to be alright . for them to live happily and work hard for their major exams and stop getting into trouble . know what i prayed after that ? just for me to be happy . :D
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND FIFTY FIVE

2010-02-18T21:07:00.003+08:00

ALMOST EVERYTHING IS GOING AWESOME !

what aint going awesome ? STUDIES ! super duper sad and depressed cause i think my results are sucky , and i dont want to concentrate on it . hahahahs . slept during powernap again ! cause nowadays keep sleeping at 2am . cant seem to fall asleep and that stinks too ! hahahs . just got back from tuition and i really really stink sooooo awesomely much ! :D

MY SUPERMAN , stinks too ! cause he want to tease me about _____ ! not funny hor ! hahahhas . know you so well already can ! say got something to show me then know it's something fishy , cause nothing comes out good from your mouth ! hahahahas . thank you for making my day again , just by making me smile and go high for that second . really thank you so much . :D

MY SPIDERMAN , awwwwwwweeeesomeelyyyyyyyyy silly and cheerful like always ! :D wanted to smile at you and let you know that ' OMG , i noticed you . ' but guess you were waiting for your spiderwomen ! :D so didnt do it . scared later things go awfully wrong . do know that i always always , notice you . not a stalker , but anything you do , the silliest thing you do , always make my day . :D hahahas . really hope one day , i can finally say what i wanted to tell for such a long time ! i can do it any moment any time . i know you know it too , so dont come acting blur with me . :D hahahas . no idea why we have so much obstacle to overcome as if we cant openly talk to each other . the feeling stinks and suck awfully ! :D hahahahs ! but thank you for making my day as always .

MY HONEYYYYY ! i dont want to neglect you . but if i ever do in any way , please do understand . i know you will . and always do . :D dont think too much man . i am alright , so no worries . you're talking to sherrin pok and she is always high and alright . i know i haven been really talkative nowadays , too much things to do . you get it yeah . sorry ! :D dont think you never ever make my day , because you always cheer me up for a second when you always say the ' seriously like __________ ' thing ! hahahahas . you will know how to fill in the blanks . :D

SHIRLYN ! this special women who i USED to quarrel last time , always be my listening ear nowadays ! :D thank you so awesomely much and know that you're LOVED by me ! :D hahahahas . AUNTY , i know you will be jealous so yeahman . thanks . hope the counselling did work yeah . :D hahahahahahhas ! i am always alright de okay ! :D lets work hard for tmr SS test ! :D

ILOVEJESUS !
thank you . is the change happening ?
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND FIFTY FOUR

2010-02-17T20:54:00.004+08:00

HECTIC LIFE , JUST FOR ME ! :D

hahahahs . okay , obviously , i have lots of things to do . council is stepping up . council investiture and everything need to prepare . something that i am really looking forward to . but awesomely tired and i am going to sleep like forever . other than council investiture so many other council stuff to do . like the YOG thing which is apparently going to take my life away with so many crap to memorise . hahahahas ! thank you to all the councillors who helped with the board and going to make this thing a complete success like always . and that's the way we do it ! :D hahahahs .

really so super tired today . cant sleep yesterday so slept at two . then during powernap , i slept as if i never slept before and it was the first time i was so tired that i slept during powernap ! :D hahahahas . tmr still need to do the YOG thing again . so i think i am trying to find somebody to replace me for the skit that i should be doing . please please let there be a replacement . :D thank goodness every of my cca members are awesomely great ! who gets angry but afterall understands ! :D hahahahahs ! :D

MY SUPERMAN told me two sentence and that's all he said . love is blind and love is unfair . is it really true ? :D hahahahas . kept me pondering about this two sentence over and over again and again . :D not going to think about it already cause there are more other important things for me to concentrate on . :D so yeahman . going to place the two sentence at the back of my head .

MY SPIDERMAN without fail , made me carry on my day . given me unknown energy to carry on doing what i need to . :D hahahaas . he made me realise with his sort of unhappy face that i saw today that , there are somethings that cannot be said . if we say it the outcome will be like OMG ! :D there are just right things for the right time yeah ? :D hope you're alright , i know we rarely see each other i guess , but do that i will always be here for you yeah . :D

to both of my superheroes , do know that , i will do anything and give up everything just to have that smile on your face . you both have no idea how much you both mean to me . how important you guys are to my life . :D

ILOVEJESUS !
is the cycle going to repeat itself again this time ? give me a pre-warning.
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND FIFTY THREE

2010-02-15T13:31:00.002+08:00

SUPER HEROES IN MY LIFE ! :D

realise that there has been many super heroes in my life . and how i much i love them so awesomely much . :D every superhero has different awesome powers and unique skill yeah . my SUPERMAN brought all my worries away from me and make me trouble free ! now let me introduce another super hero in my life ! :D SPIDERMAN ! :D the difference with spiderman and superman is that SPIDERMAN brings happiness to my life he never thought he ever did or could . :D

my SPIDERMAN is just so AWESOME ! :D that no words could describe him except for the fact that he is so super silly , cheerful and AWESOME ! hahahs . like any superhero , he has a SPIDER-WOMEN by his side also . :D glad that he is super duper happy too . :D his smiles and laughters can do wonders to my day ! :D SPIDERMAN , hope you and your spiderwoman can last awesomely long yeah ! know that no matter what happens , i will still be here to support you , lend you a listening ear , and a shoulder to cry on . and once again , happy BELATED valentine's day . :D

ILOVEJESUS !
introduce more superheroes into my AWESOME life .
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND FIFTY TWO

2010-02-14T14:11:00.002+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR ! :D HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY !

hahahas . just went visiting all my relatives . my sister is out , cause go meet her boyfriend and go bai nian to all his relative . waiting for dinner time to come , and have steamboat AGAIN ! just like yesterday . yes , yesterday i did drink . then i drank but sadly , i didnt get drunk . no idea why but i didnt get drunk once even though i drink like 8 to 10 cups of white and red wine . seems so difficult to get drunk . :D LOL ! hoping to get lots and lots of red packet this year yeah ! :D realise it has been so long since i visit my relatives and all of them say i grew up and all sorts of things . realise that yes , i grew up , went through so much things and i changed . :D i became more and more mature day by day . dress up like a young lady , not like last time . so many things changed . :D hahahs . this year's chinese new year no idea why , was kinda boring . i dont know why . last time it was a festival that i will look out for . but this year , the excitement sort of died down . :D LOL !

wonder how was valentine's day for all of you all out there ? bet it was fantastic and awesome right ? hahahas ! get to spend a day with all your loves ones and get lots of presents yeah ? THANK YOU 3E4 FOR THE MEMORABLE VALENTINE'S DAY ! with all the sweets , chocolates , brownies thrown over the entire class ! IT WAS AWESOME ! :D didnt get fabulous awesome stuff for valentine's day but at least i got a nice yellow sunflower , the one i wanted from somebody ! :D thank you so much yeah . really made my valentine's day . :D the sunny bright yellow sunflower it is really so awesome yeah ! :D so fantastic because SHERRIN POK LOVES SUNFLOWERS ! :D

CONGRATULATIONS TO MY BELOVED XINXIAN FOR BEING THE CL OF YTGG AND MURNI MARISA FOR BEING ONE OF THE ACL OF YTGG ! AWESOMELY PROUD OF YOU GIRLS ! GOING TO CELEBRATE SOON WITH 12YTSC AND GIVE BOTH OF YOU A AWESOME BIG HUG ! :D I LOVE YOU 12YTSC ! :D HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY !

MY AWESOME SUPERMAN IS LOVED ! REALISE SOME BULLSHIT YST AND WANTED TO LAUGH THE HELL OUT OF MY ASS ! : no idea why you're so important to me . why i love you so much . but do know that i feel really super fortunate that you're always here for me . to bring all my worries away from me . you're an AWESOME friend ! :D and i will do anything just to keep you with me . :D

ILOVEJESUS ! :D
no idea what to do . or where i am going . tell me that i will walk through this bravely . :D
AMEN !

HUNDRED FIFTY ONE

2010-02-10T18:50:00.002+08:00

AN ACCURATE 2010 HOROSCOPE !

my horoscope is totally SO TRUE ! :D TRUST IT ! REALLY ! better check out your horoscope .

ARIES - The AggressiveOutgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny.. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world.. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

TAURUS - The TrampAggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight. Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

GEMINI - The TwinNice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very Good at confusing people... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Geminis will not take any crap from anyone. Geminis like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Geminis can be very sarcastic and childish at times and are very nosey. Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER - The BeautyMOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer's Love is one of a kind.. Very romantic.. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative Person, most are artists and insane, respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An Ultimate Freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most Cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare. Spontaneous. Not a Fighter, But will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to! 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LEO - The LionGreat talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun.. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

VIRGO - The One that WaitsDominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything.. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA - The Lame OneNice to everyone they meet. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, funny and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with...you might end up crying. Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. Faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Very creative. A hopeless romantic. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO - The Addict EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want.. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring.. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous OneSpontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found.. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it, feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate LoverLove to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy. But when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs especially Gemini's in sports. Likes to cook but would rather go out to eat at good restaurants. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

AQUARIUS - Does It In The WaterTrustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind, loves being in long-term relationships. Can be clumsy at times but tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when they're not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more than their family. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter but will Knock your lights out.. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward

PISCES - The Partner for LifeCaring and kind. Smart. Likes to be the center of attention. Very organized. High appeal to opposite sex. Likes to have the last word. Good to find, but hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. VERY caring. They always try to do the right thing and sometimes gets the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and get hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good sense of humor!!! Thoughtful. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but needs to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

HUNDRED AND FIFTY

2010-02-10T18:09:00.002+08:00

I'M SICK !

1. guess i am too tired after all the bullshit that i have been going through . and finally my body is failing me . went home early today and had a great rest . feel super much better now . at least i have the enrgy to walk . there was a point of time that i seriously , just fall on my feet at home . i totally had no energy and was super duper tired . still feeling a little sick but super duper much better ! :D

2. thank you everybody who were super duper concern . 3e4 for constantly asking me whether i was alright . ernchi for being a naggy aunty asking me to drink water . kaiwen for constantly being there to make me laugh and make me feel better . kaiyang for his thermometer and concerns . eugene for bringing me to ms wong , sending me to the gate and all . and not forgetting , my honey of course . :D hahahas . keep smsing me and ask me to drink water and alot alot of things . THANK YOU ! :D

3. cut my awesomely bushy hair and now its super duper thin . love it so much . but when i tie up look like a small tiny chicken feather . :D hahahas . its so thin as if i cant feel my hair . so its super light and layered . hahahas . :D so i'm just awesomely happy with the hair dresser .

4. messy state . still like that , still us clearing up . thank you superman . thank you . :D i always feel your presence . you just take my troubles away for me . i would never ever dare to think if both of us break down at the same point of time . if you need greentea tell me . i will have unlimited supply just for you . cause GREEN TEA GIVE YOU POWER ! you need power , so that you can take my worries away for me . thank you superman ! thank you so much . i know you have your own things to worry also . you have your problems too . but in anw , thank you for constantly being there for me .

5. two years of friendship , we really arent going to talk right ? are you waiting for me to say something . then guess what , i really dont know what to say already . nothing seems to work anymore . i really ran out of ideas , ran out of patience . if you think that its really me who betrayed you or what , then so be it dear . i did my best and i tried . its up to you and your thinking already . i will still be waiting for the day that we will be talking . really . no matter how everything goes , i still want to be there for you . at least , you have other friends for you now . and i am happy about that . at least , you still talk to people around you . :D glad that you're doing perfectly fine . remember , no matter what , a listening ear is still here . sorry if i betrayed all the trust that you have in me , cause it was the best thing to do , cause i was running out of ideas on what to do .

ILOVEJESUS ! :D
thank you for everything . you never know how much i really thank you for awakening me . :D i know what to do with my life now . to put what things in priorities . thank you for showing me the path i should be going . thank you for strengthening me . :D you do know what i want , and promise me , let my patience pay off . :D
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND FOURTY NINE :D

2010-02-07T18:20:00.002+08:00

WHATEVER HERE WHATEVER THERE WHATEVER EVERYWHERE ! :D

1. camp was awesome ! 3e4 rules ! spiderman ! in the air ! i can see your underwear ! not too big , not too small ! just the size of SINGAPORE ! :D hahahahhas . i love my class . bonded at the very last minute . love it to the crap up much ! i hope we will be as bonded forever ! i swear , we enjoy every part of it . but got super alot of mosquitos . organic food was okay . but the CHILLI WAS AWESOME ! :D LOVE IT MAN ! superb nice . :D then , got scratches and all sort of muscles ache everywhere ! and i turn tanned ! TANNED ! i love my colour now ! must tanned more ! :D

2. became OIC . everything was super cool . big thanks and hugs and kisses to all the 12ytsc people ! WE ARE ONE COOL CAT AND WE GOT A LITTLE BIT OF THIS AND A WHOLE LOT OF THAT ! :D remain like this yeah . i am very proud of all of us . super duper proud . we did it not just well , not just good , not just fabulous but AWESOME ! :D we are stepping up , promise me that no matter what post or anything we get we will always remain so awesome ! so cool ! :D we will work together and conquer the rest of the year alright !? hahahas ! :D I LOVE 12YTSC TTM !

3. thank you MS WONG AND ALL THE COUNCIL TEACHERS ! hahahahs . change topic ! :D hahahahahs . not going to disappoint all of you all , i promise ! will do my best ! :D i wont let anything happen to me again . the OLD , CRAZY , SIAO , CAPABLE OF DOING ANYTHING SHERRIN POK IS BACK ! :D i wont let you all down again , i promise . :D

4. church today . and ZOMG ! :D i wear same colour coding with my honey again ! super coincidental . dont know whether its fate of what ! but ZOMG ! super scary ! :D if next next sunday its going to happen again ! i swear , i will freak out ! :D love going to church with him ! but , always see his face then will get TURN OFF ! =P hahahahas . :x i am going to get so scolded after he sees this ! :D

5. some kukubrain can forget that its his birthday tmr ! :D miss him awesome much . going to be the first to wish him again ! :D he is somebody that i will never forget his birthday ! :D must thank him for so much things . for being concern about me after almost 3 years ! :D hahahahs .

6. went out to with ernchi yst to town ! bought dress again ! :D i think i got too much dress already ! :D she conned me into buying a sundress ! :D but i love it also but it was 40 bucks ! come on ! crapped up much . :D shouldnt have bought it ! :D but i am going to wear it to sentosa and tanned myself i swear ! one day ! :D hahahahas . i hope that one day comes lol ! :D hahahahas . dont know when it will happen . :D we talked about alot of things . but , still no conclusion on my side ! :D

7. i got a motherly heart ! :D hahahahs . no matter what , i still forgive ! LOL ! went to church today , so it was about true happiness part two ! :D and realise i got a motherly heart that no matter what happens , or what anybody do , i still forgive ! :D cause i am TOO NICE ! :D and and , I'M TOO SELFLESS TO BE GOOD ! :D HAHAHAHAHS . so i should be more selfish . i should start putting myself a little in front of others ! :d

going to go out and eat dinner with my family and my sister's boyfriend ! :D so i got to run ! :D everything is going AWESOME NOW ! :D

ILOVEJESUS !
never going to take you for granted , never going to lose faith in you . :D a prayer that have to wait for a long long time .
AMEN !

HUNDRED FOURTY EIGHT !

2010-01-31T22:54:00.002+08:00

hahahs . went to church today ! dont despise your youth ! hahahas ! :D anw , today the freakiest thing happen ! :D super funny ! i dont know why but its super funny ! :D me and chin wear same colour coding shirt and pants can ! TELEPATHY ! hahahas . super scary ! and i was like OMG ! hahahas . super duper funny . then at night went to find calvin to eat dinner ! :D miss him uber much . :D tell me so many things about him and the girl ! stupid boy ! did so many idiotic things ! angry with him ! :D LOL !

and somebody say will miss me if i go sec three camp de lol ! :D you better do honey . if you dont ! i will kill you and stab you untill you die . hahahs . dont worry . i will miss you too de alright ! :D LOL ! and , you bought a pink shirt ! i know it will look fabulous on you . must take picture let me see . AND AND ! ** MOST IMPORTANTLY ** I AM WAITING FOR MY SUNFLOWER ON VALENTINE'S DAY ! :D SUPER IMPORTANT THING TO BUY ! :D hahahahs ! i really want it okay !

my favourite pastor will be speaking next week again ! about true happiness , but this time it's part two . love when he is speaking . so next week church is a must go thing ! hahahas . next saturday ,aunty ernchi also book me say must go town , wear dress and go shopping with her . i will do it de lol ! :D then bring my new camera along to cam whore with her ! :D that crazy aunty ah ! tabuleh tahan ! :D HAHAHAS !

ILOVEJESUS !
everything is going well . thanks boyfriend ! :D
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND FOURTY SEVEN ! :D

2010-01-30T16:26:00.004+08:00

here i am , at ernchi's house , eating kfc , talking crap . (:

first , for you information , he is not alright . he isnt finding any excuses the quit that cca . that cca , works under politics . he isnt happy in it . so dont blame him for quitting . he isnt happy being in that cca . you think he is happy now ? no ! :D for your information , yes , i dont deny , council gives stress . lots of stress . that's because we are good leaders . and we face things as a batch . we help one another , we dont just scold and blame people for quitting . we ask and we understand . :D it's you not being able to let you cadet go . if you got alot of potential cadets , you wont mind letting him go . since you know it's his lost then stop bugging him and everything cause he doesnt need that .

second , hanlong didnt psycho him to quit ncc . he made his own choice . he is old enough to make his own choice right ? you got no rights to control him . to control his group of friends . we told him that it will be a waste if he quits now too . but he didnt listen , cause he is really unhappy and wants to leave . stop thinking about his friends and his friends and his friends . think about his parents . they arent happy about their own son being like that too . thought about what the parents might have told him ? stop thinking about your company . put yourself in your cadets shoes . not everything he face you might understand . so stop inferring . :D

third , i didnt ask my friends to scold her . get your stories right . i didnt even say anything . i even tell kaiyang that he should cherish her as a goodfriend and dont let her go . try to compromise . i didnt even talk to her , i didnt even lay my hands on her . but now , is her problem . she is leaving and scolding and blaming kaiyang for everything . thought about knowing the whole story ? ask her then . anw , since the more we say the more closer you all get then you should be happy . very happy instead , since you can be so close to her . you might get her one day and have your happily ever after . isnt that what you're aiming for now ?

fourth , for 3 weeks you thought about it . when i was away in beijing . you believe what all your friends say . seriously , so for that 3 weeks whatever you told me , you were playing with me is it ? 3 weeks , is close to one month you know . i know nothing about it . you just did that , break your promise on a random night . i never doubt your love for me . never . but , what is this ? we know each other for less than 3 weeks and we were together , thats what kept me thinking whether we should be together . i doubted you at that point of time , and you know it . i thought we will know each other more after we got together . but i was wrong . you just keep everything to yourself . you think its fun to keep guessing what you're thinking . i never say its all your fault . i know i am very very super duper close to guys , but have you thought of trusting me ? the day you know me you should know that i am close to guys isnt that true ? why cant you trust me ? you were the one who gave up on me not me . your promises to me . where is it now , in the bin is it ? or is it given to her ? i was learning how to trust you , at a point where i know you truly love me , you had to do this to me is it ?

lastly , i didnt say its wrong for you to like or love another girl . then you cant control my feelings for letting me be upset and everything right ? you cant stop me from loving you what . you can have her for all i care . you dont care then just stop harpping on the past . i care that's why i am like that . i care that's why i am not alright everyday . i care that's why i am telling my friends . i care that's why i still love you .

i dont know what i am thinking now . whether i still love you anot . everything you do is making me hate you like i dont know what . is that what you want ? then let me tell you , yes , you're achieving it alrdy . you're doing a fabulous job . you will never know what i am going through in my heart now . cause after so long , nothing changed . i'm the silly girl that everybody says i am .

ILOVEJESUS !
thank you . you answered all my prayers . in a different way that i could never expect . going to see you tmr ! :D woootsss ! :D hahahas .
AMEN ! :D

HUNDRED AND FOURTY SIX

2010-01-26T22:10:00.002+08:00

its all about you again . knew some true facts today . all the bulshit you promised me . NONE came true , NONE ! i am empty now . and you got no idea how much i hate you . but in the contrary , how much i really love you . you make me want to slap your face . i dont know why i am so uptight about it . so many people console me . but i know , this kinda thing , only i can do it myself . unless i think through it . :D ten times the pain , ten times the hurt , ten times the tears . thanks for returning it to me like that . i am going to run tmr again ! YES ! going to do bridge and kill myself with it . :D facing severe muscles ache . but the feeling is damn good . :D want to train up my muscles . :D hahahas . LOL !
ILOVEJESUS !
yes , you did answer my prayers . but not the way i thought it would end . he is happy now . andi thank you for that . loving a person , doesnt means owning him yeah . live life how i want to right ? i decide whether it should be a happy or sad day for me tmr . :D and everyday of my life should be happy . :D without any worries or sadness or tears . :D
AMEN ! :D

HUNDRED AND FOURTY FIVE :D

2010-01-24T19:42:00.002+08:00

okay , there is no quote today . :D hahahas . i just realise it has been many days ever since i blog . kinda busy i guess . went to church today . :D and realise that i am not really devoted to jesus . because i have distractions , and i have more passion for something other than jesus which is COUNCIL . :D i self admitted that during church . :D hahahahas . realise that , yes , council is more important to me the jesus . how ironic can it get ? i can serve the school with so much passion , but i cant serve jesus so faithfully . :D hahahahahas . he is the one that have my life in his hands , and everything is planned out for me , yet , i still have more passion for council . hahahas . anw , i believe that , that is something i should change . went to ernchi house yst and did my thought of the week . :D it's about HAPPINESS . :D hahahas . it's true . i know you arent talking to me yet . but i believe we will start talking one day . LOL ! :D hahahas . happiness , i hope you all whoever is reading my blog , will pay attention to me . :D hahahahs . i hope nobody throw tomatoes or vegetables at me . ( aunty , you get my point . >< ) hahahahs ! :D did planning for ptr and stuff like that . :D kinda got pissed off . but , its like that . glad that we worked it out . :D and today , my mummt bought me a new camera ! :D hahahas . its red cause i want it red . :D hahahahas . so many many things happen this past few days . time pass really fast when there is school . :D we are going to go for our sec three camp ! and i told myself i must get blacker than ever ! i must get super duper tanned ! :D I DONT CARE ! hahahahas . anw , i need go memorise the pledge now , if not i cock up tmr ! i am so screwed ! :D hahahahahahs ! :D
ILOVEJESUS !
please give me the strength and courage tmr ! :D hahahs . make sure everything goes well tmr ! :D lots of love , in your holy name i pray .
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND FOURTY FOUR

2010-01-21T21:20:00.002+08:00

my quote for the day : SWEAR IT ALL OVER AGAIN . will you ? :D hahahas . i cant get you off my head . just get out will you ? open the damn door and get out . i dont know how to anymore . i hate myself for being like this . shit man ! i am making people worried , dragging people down with me . i am moody again . i hate being like this . what the hell man ? i seriously , can slap my own face and go and die ! :D hahahahas ! i also dont know why i blogging just want to have some distractions and let my feelings out as usual . :D hahahhas . i so want to go down and run . i want to run away alone and leave everything behind . then i wont remember a single thing . you dont anymore do you ? it's breaking my heart man . hahahs ! :D sunday is coming !
ILOVEJESUS !
there isnt any remedy to this is there ? :D my prayers , it has been a month of praying the same exact thing . does this kinda prayers need to wait a longer time ? :D LORD , answer my prayer . please . guide me the way . is there really no cure anymore ? in your name , i pray .
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND FOURTY THREE

2010-01-20T11:08:00.002+08:00

my quote for the day : lets just jump of the building ! then everything will end ! :D hahahahas . i dont even know whether i am okay now . its one day off today , i am going out ! but i feel so tired that i just want to sleep at home . hahahahs ! :D cannot make myself be like a pig . :D and , surprise surprise surprise ! this morning when i woke up , an idiot from victoria sms me ! :D miss him lots man ! :D hahahahas . started talking rubbish with me untill now . :D and he is not going to stop .
feel so shit up now ! :D hahahas . one day off , feel as if its holidays . then memories start stocking up ! feel so crapped up . slap my face for missing you man . there is no better way to put it but i want you back in my life man . so pekcek that i feel like crying again . i am still so concern and everything . why the hell am i like that man .
ILOVEJESUS !
make sunday come earlier will you ? :D hahahas . i miss you !
AMEN !

HUNDERD AND FOURTY TWO

2010-01-18T21:44:00.002+08:00

today had council bonding session kind of thing . and it was fabulous . really love this kinda bonding thing . cause it really rocks . :D hahahahs . really keeps our minds off things and just have fun as a batch . came home and ate dinner ! :D super full . very long never eat home food . :D LOL ! then went down for a jog . i was about to go back home when i told myself that if it is not 9.15 pm yet i will go there . :D then it was only 9.03 pm so i went to the place where it all started . then i looked , maybe stared , at it for like ten minutes . nothing filled my mind at that point of time except about all the times that we were there . 90% of the time , we will always be there chatting and stuff like that . cause that's where it all started . i saw this couple over there . i thought to myself , that used to be us . what we were last time . but now ? hahahas . in conclusion , there is no conclusion . i am still loving you . hahahas ! to think about all the times we were there , it was really heart aching but , i know , it was filled with happiness . :D
ILOVEJESUS !
my prayers ?
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND FOURTY ONE

2010-01-17T21:52:00.002+08:00

went to church ! and the pastor steve was damn funny . :D haahahas . regretted not being able to go for the whole day . then did duty . got scolded the first thing when i got there . super crapped up . :D then went to safra and find dumbdaddy . :D hahahas . met his friends and had dinner with them . :D then went home shortly after that . :D had fun with all his friends .
ILOVEJESUS !
thank you for answering my prayers . is my life going to get better ? i hope so . :D praying for the best tmr .
AMEN !
i cant believe i saw you just now . i was so speechless . why can all my juniors express themselves freely , but i cant do it ? why do i have so much constraints ? baby , i still miss you and i still want you back . but i cant anymore can i ? it was so awkward just now . why ? it really makes me want to cry . last time , if we get to see each other in this kinda situation , we will be happy and shy and want to smile at each other . but this time we are running away . hiding from each other . can we still get back ? i really hope . i really want . it's just so difficult isnt it ? cant we get back ? i miss you alot . i still love you as much as last time . but things for you change right ? you dont remember loving me alrdy is it ? why ? baby , tell me why . i want to be able to hug you . i want to be able to talk to you like last time . i am still stuck in the past cause i really want you back . i feel stupid for letting you go . but you were determined isnt it ? tears are rolling down and i cant stop again .

HUNDRED AND FOURTY

2010-01-16T19:38:00.002+08:00

went to my tuition teacher wedding today . it was the sweetest thing that could happen to a couple and she was BEAUTIFUL ! she was GORGEOUS ! from her smile , she seem super duper happy and nothing could take away her happiness . i had fun there too ! with all my tuition mates . then at the first part there was something like preeching . then the pastor preech about love . he said that , love persevere . he said that love isnt rude , love isnt envy , love trusts . is that what went wrong ? will love really persevere ? my love for you is , i guess . what about you ? no idea . whatever it is , i am still like that . i guess , your love for me changed . it is no longer the same since that day . then took pictures , and see my gorgeous teacher change into another dress which was awesome ! camwhore with my tuition mates ! so cool ! i love them lah . everyone of them . YTC RULES MAN ! :D going church tmr ! yeahman ! love going church uber much . :D then going over to nee soon cc do bursary duty . :D LOL ! maybe can see some of our school people . :D
know that i am still here for you . :D
when can we be like last time ? i thought about the past today . and my tears rolled down uncontrollably . i really miss you .
ILOVEJESUS !
i await to see/talk to you every sunday ! :D make sure that everything goes well in my life , it's time to pick up the bits and pieces of my life and arrange it back to how i want it and how it was supposed to be . it might take a very long time but please , give me the strength and guide me through everything . in your name , i pray .
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND THRITY NINE

2010-01-14T22:50:00.003+08:00

trying to get life back on track . cause i know i am heading to nowhere now . everything seem pointless . i need to find back my aim , my goals . i need to know where i am heading if not i seem like a lost sheep . i dont know where to go . trying real real hard . soon , i know the time will come soon . soon enough for me to be able to get back on track . i know i promised that i will do it for you . and i dont want to break my promise . i am doing it now . and i know i will give it to you soon enough man . :D hahahas !
ILOVEJESUS !
make sure that the sillyman will be alright with everything he is facing now . gagaman to stay super duper strong . :D cause i need them ..
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND THIRTY EIGHT

2010-01-13T20:15:00.002+08:00

going to run after this . running at 9 . i am tired , shag and everything . i am giving up . i am a piece of shit okay ? i hate worrying about so many people . why must i be the one to worry about so many people . who is worrying about me ? i try helping so many people but who is helping me ? superwoman will die one day right ? i am without my superman without my goodfriend without my everything . everybody have their own things to worry . i dont know who to talk to . i am worried about you . but you just brush me off . you got think about how i feel ? i hate being so worried about so many people . i hate myself for appearing strong and everything cause i am not ! i hate this ! superwoman wants to die . superwoman is giving up . superwoman doesnt know what to do . superwoman just want to die so that she can end all this sufferings ... ...

HUNDRED AND THRITY SEVEN

2010-01-12T21:43:00.002+08:00

GAGAMAN. take care of yourself . many things happen . know that i am here for you . somethings , i know i cant help . but i will try okay . i really will . i will lend you a listening ear and everything . think before you act . if you think its the best then do it . i will support you . but make sure you dont regret . whatever happens , know that you still got me and a bunch of people behind to support you . :D
GOLDEN RETRIVER ! hahahahas . take care of yourself . you're always smsing me alrdy . dont be sad or anything . what happen , happened . you know it too . live life happy . you make your own day . you determine whether is it going to be a sad or happy one . just do what you think is right okay ? :D try to make it on sunday yeah . dont want to go alone .
NCBC . take care of yourself ! if you want then just go for it . i know somewhere in your heart , deep down you still care for her . you still want to know how is she doing . dont lie to me ! concentrate on all your studies and basketball and everything . you know what you should do . you're much more mature and sensible than me . you know what is right and wrong to do .
SUPERMAN . i need you to be alright . i need you . dont leave me . you take care of yourself . please be a good boy . to me , my superman is my super hero . he save me from everything . and my superman , my superhero is you . dont disappoint me . you need to be a good boy . superman needs to save alot of life . he wont just leave after he completed one day of work . you know , i need you . you left me once , no twice . too much of a trauma for me . you got to be alright . i need you in every aspect of my life . you know it . superwoman still needs her superman by her side . superwoman rather be the one to drop dead . so she wouldnt have to face the torture of losing you . you get my point .
TXG , yes you . dont doubt . its you . be alright . unbelievable . but i thought so ytd night also . confirmed it today . take care of yourself . you said be strong . you need to be strong also isnt it ? you got to stand up also . you know what to do . i am still here to lend you a listening ear . just want to know that you're doing fine . that's all that i got to say . :D
ILOVEJESUS !
everything happen . at least i felt that you did answer to a little part of my prayers . :D thank you . too much things to worry about . please give me the strength to carry on . please make sure my superman will be alright and healthy . please make sure gagaman live life well and go gaga over everything again . please help golden retriver in every way you can to make his life better . please help TXG in everything he does . :D thank you ! :D
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND THRITY SIX

2010-01-10T21:40:00.002+08:00

went to church today and play ball ! sums up everything i did . :D hahahas .
OMG ! i seriously cant believe you became like that . what the .. why do you have to make it end this way ? we cant even be friends right ? you were the one who said all those bullshit ! cause everything you said cannot be believed right ? not a single thing you said came true ! i am emotionless now ! i dont know what to say or do ! i am still worried , but you just want to end off all connections from me . feel so pekcek now ! if you can be so cruel then so be it ! what caused you to be like that ! i never know you like how i did before anymore . you're somebody so strange to me ! but i hate the fucking fact that i still love you . i hate the fucking fact that i am still so worried . that i still want to get back with you . i just cant stop loving you , you fucking jerk . what is causing me to still love you ? i also dont know . you want me to fuck off from your fucking life . i want also . but i cant do it because of the shit fact that I STILL LOVE YOU ! i am loving somebody that i should not love ! do you know how i feel when you scold me behind your back and everything . we dont even talk ! cant you even remember a little love we had between both of us ! shit you man . seriously , shit you !
what's going to happen tmr . i am super duper worried . you're my top top priority now . not even council . cause i am worried for you . super duper . if you can understand . hahahas . just be alright yeah . and i did not rape you stop being insane . i never do anything to you . :D why are you telling me everything will be fine and everything will be alright . i thought that was what i am suppose to do . LOL ! as a good friend i am worried yeah . so worried that i cannot stop . i prayed for you . have faith in the man above right . ''Ask and you will recieve, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you. I hope god is your answer .''
ILOVEJESUS !
i hope you're my answer . i dont want to lose faith . but all my prayers , since things started happening . i see none . what am i suppose to do now ? am i too stupid to understand your prayers ? tell me .
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND THRITY FIVE

2010-01-09T11:04:00.002+08:00

yst , too tired . too much things happened . in the morning as expected i cried . and i cried for at least an hour ? hahahas . and i cant stop like once again . cause i still cant believe and accept the fact that you are out of council . was not alright for half of the day . untill i did my Amath test ! :D hahahhas . was super high . then went for CCA bazar emcee . it was fabulous ! we totally think on the spot . i dont even think we used the script lah . but the sec ones were kinda low .. it's 9th of january alrdy . so fast yet so slow . nothing much really changed for me in this one month . everybody said its time to let go . i know , i know . but i am trying . maybe it's not that i cant . maybe its because i dont want to . except for the fact that whenever i am sort of letting go off a problem another rises , nothing changed . one by one . 4 of you all ! the four that are used to be and are close to me . why got so much problems ? one by one , got problems . all of you are making me worried . if i got 25 mental strings , you took 14 , ky took 3 and fred took 5 for the past 2 years and the rest , chin . and soon i am on the verge of breaking down . it was yst day night that , i know , somebody recognise my effort . at least somebody does . i dont need everybody but just one person . i felt my some of my batch mates support yst . i dont know how to explain the feeling but it was when you know , they are as important to you as your good friends or anything . :D thanks guys .
ILOVEJESUS !
going to see you tmr . please , my prayers . is it being heard ?
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND THIRTY FOUR

2010-01-07T22:06:00.002+08:00

i always say i give up hope . i dont know which time i am serious . i feel like a failure . you are the second guy that say i was dependent . i dont know since when , i became so dependent . because i had you guys . all of my good friends to be there for me . that's why i am dependent . you think i will feel good ? i dont want it to happen at all . i told you , you're my pillar of support . you think i will want this to happen to you ? i swear , i will cry tmr morning . i dont bother which asshole or idiot is looking , but i confirm will cry . you were always there for me . now where will you be going ? council brought us together , i want to continue this friendship but , i dont know how already . i made many wrong decisions . now ? i dont even know what i am doing . i am not a leader at all . not even a single bit . i need support . but from who ? i am useless . i cant stop crying . i cant stop people from leaving me . i cant stop being worried . i cant stop making wrong choices . i cant stop grumbling . i cant stop the world from revolving . i cant stop myself for being a bitch . i cant stop myself for finding a different me to sub in when i am infront of alot of people . just like a spirit substitute in me . i cant even be sure what am i now . i just know , i am not alright . not at all . both of you , used to be my pillar of support . my pillar of strength . my everything that i thought i will have with me forever . i placed faith on both of you . i believed that both of you will be here for me . but slowly , both of you are leaving me . you think i feel emotionally alright after both of you left me at the same point of time ?
ILOVEJESUS !
is this a test ? a test to see whether i was strong enough ? tell me what is this ? what make me deserve this ? you took important people away from me . isnt one enough ? why two ? why cant you leave one for me ? i am tumbling down yknow ? i fall to you . but why , i dont seem to see that my prayers are answering . what am i suppose to do ?
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND THIRTY THREE

2010-01-05T18:40:00.002+08:00

ILOVEJESUS !
its going to be an all red post ! hahahas . so cool right ? :D yeahman . finally , today , i know all of them . everybody around me is lying to me . all of them are putting a fake front infront of me . all of them are not telling the truth at all . they just want me to be happy but , lying to me . will i be happy ? jesus , you're my forever boyfriend isnt it true ? guide my way . lead me to where i am suppose to go . show me the light where i should be heading now . i am lost . i dont know where to go . i dont even know what to do . i cant concentrate on anything i do now . not a single piece of shit . tell me what i should do . i really dont know . quickly bring me to where i should be leading . just one sign from you tmr . you planned it for me already , and i promise i will follow . cause i never fail to be excited about every sunday . cause that's when i can see you and know you're always there for me . i love you jesus ! :D and i know yknow that . i dont want to be this confused soul here anymore . i dont want to be a cry baby anymore . not anymore . i dont want to be wondering each day whether i will be fine today . i want to know that everyday of my life , i will be happy . everyday of my life i will be filling my life with fun and laughter , peace and joy . to lead a happy life for nobody to see . but for me , myself and i . is it too much ? :D this time , i do things my way . nomore for any other people . i lead the life that i want it to be and how you planned it for me . is it good ? :D that's the way i should live my life right ? the way i should bring myself foward and move on .
my god is mighty to save .
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND THIRTY TWO

2010-01-04T20:18:00.002+08:00

i am sick and yet , still worried about you . i dont understand . why so much trouble ? praying for you doesnt work is it ? i swear , i feel like dying . my nose is killing me , my throat is giving up on me . my joints hurt like every single part of my body . i know i shouldnt be worried about you after how you treated me but yet , i still am . worried about you ! wonder when it can stop . so worried , yet nothing i can do . not even lend you a listening ear . lets not even talk about listening ear . we dont even say hi and bye ! :D aint that cool ? worried but what can i do . i cant tell you or do anything . all i can do is , hide at one side and be worried . this is killing me alright . i cant do anything . please take care of yourself . please . that's all i am asking of you . i am sick ! tmr still got one day of orientation . must stay crazy and everything man ! :D thank you chin for your panadol ! :D did help alot .
ILOVEJESUS !
praying to you will work isnt it ? but is it not time for my prayers yet ? i prayed . i really hope he will be alright . leading he's good and better life . just allow him to be happy yeah . that's all i am asking for . not too much right ? why do i even allow this to happen to me ? i placed all my happiness on him , i admit . when he left , all my laughter and smiles went away with him . is it wrong to love somebody so deeply ? is it wrong to pray for somebody i love ? i still love him . i just want him to be happy and alright .
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND THRITY ONE

2010-01-03T20:18:00.004+08:00

yeahman . went to church and finally ! feel so enlighten ! :D wooootssss ! hahahahas . I LOVE PASTOR RONY TAN ! hahahahs . i am loving every sunday ! cause its the day that i go church ! went to buy my school shoes ! bought everlast shoe ! i love it alright ! :D tmr got orientation . cant wait ! then after all orientation . its studying time . catch up with all the amath and english bullshit ! :D hahahahas . study study and more study . then it can occupy my mind and allow all the other bullshit out of my head . :D hahahahas !
NCBC ! take care of yourself lah . dont be so stressed up and everything . you know you can do it . first time see you like that , but , be strong . like what you always tell me . if you need a listening ear or shoulder , i am still here . i know , i owe you one ! :D hahahahas . cause when i need one , you're always there . thank you ! :D
DUMBDUMB ! wooootssss ! school is starting . seeing you is like once i a blue moon . i promise i will try to meet you at least once every week . :D i try ! hahahahahs . anw , jiayous with ..... ! hahahahahaas . we know who we talking about ! :D and yes , i am going for the hardest guy . the one , that is so hard to get and melt his cold cold heart . =P
CHIN ! relax . dont angry dont angry . can talk with me and laugh . at least , i can make you laugh and smile . thanks for letting me know i am not worthless man ! hahahahahs ! i am crapping here ! but know that , you're my good good friend ! :D and thanks for making me keep sneezing ! now , i cant stop sneezing !
seriously no idea is somebody , scolding me or missing me or am i really sick . i keep sneezing . and i feel super xin ku ! :D hahahahash ! school tmr alrdy ! must sleep early tonight . hope i can wake up ! and anw , i haven complete SS homework ! :D
ILOVEJESUS !
i prayed to you today . answer my prayers yeah . :D hahahahas . you're my eternal happiness . like what i say last time , you are my ever loving boyfriend that will never leave me ! :D hahahas . i hope that he will be happy always . :D
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND THRITY

2010-01-02T21:25:00.003+08:00

i just came back home . :D home , feel so secured . :D knowing nothing bad will happen . :D i calm down already and went blog hopping . then i saw this quiz thing . i took it and realise that there are 5 languages of love : Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch . if you know me well , my first language of love is physical touch . hahahahahs ! sound so wrong . :D my second language is quality time . :D all i need is to spend time with the one i love ! :D third is words of affirmation . then acts of service then followed my receiving gifts . hahahas . i am just being random here . :D try to go and find out your language of love . :D http://www.youthnetsouthampton.org.uk/breakout/lovelanguages.php

HUNDRED AND TWENTY NINE !

2010-01-02T19:30:00.004+08:00

hahahas . tmr going to church ! yes ! :D finally i am excited for church . i am going to go out after i post this post . :D hahahahas . yes , OUT ! :D yes , NOT AT HOME ! hahahahs . i am crazy . cause must quickly go out . or else school start , out is like NO NO ! hahahahahs . :D i guess i almost completed a little of my work . but , who cares man ! i need to lose my voice during the orientation ! :D so long never lose my voice le ! :D hahahahas . yes , i am going crazy . so rubbish post ! but never mind , i love jesus ! :D

HUNDRED AND TWENTY EIGHT

2010-01-01T23:13:00.003+08:00

ITS NEW YEAR ! :D NEW YEAR , NEW DAY , NEW START ! :D
didnt blog yesterday because i was home like around 3 plus ! :D hahahahas . so i was super lazy , then just straight away slept till this morning . :D hahahas . countdown at causeway then see fireworks . special christmas special countdown ! :D cause i countdown on the platform of an MRT ! :D hahahahahahahas . then was super duper cool man ! we see people we shout happy new year . then the whole train station super noisy because of us . i dont know why we suddenly so high also . :D then went to kathib find my other friends . then talk talk untill 2 plus . i did change and i dont know why . what cause these changes ? hahahas ! as life move on , people change . maybe sometimes , i know i go overboard then i know i should stop it . somethings , dont know , maybe cant control . hahahs . celebrated fredericks birthday today ! went watch movie with chin and him ! :D hahahahas . super cool okay ! :D hahahahahas ! thanks chin for your everlast jacket ! :D hahahahas . then met zheliang eat dinner together , then eat pepper lunch ! :D super full . :D hahahahahahas . then now i am here blogging . cause damn tired . :D going to like super full speed chiong my work cause i haven complete my work yet and i feel so screwed .
i'm here without you baby .
but you're still on my lonely mind .
i think about you baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight it's only you and me .
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS :
1. be happy like never before
2. to live life to the fullest
3. pass english ! **
4. excel in my studies
5. bring council to further heights ! **
6. make more friends
7. to be devoted to JESUS ! **
8. make people around me happy
9. dont let anybody leave me anymore ! :D all my friends and everybody !
10. get back what i lost ! **
** IMPORTANT !
ILOVEJESUS ! :D
you give me strength to carry on with my life . a new year , a new start . everything is going to change . :D including my love for you , it will get deeper and deeper ! :D i am not going to give up in anything including having faith in you , and loving him . :D i know i must set my priorites right , and yes , i am doing that ! thank you for giving me strength .
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN

2009-12-30T23:07:00.003+08:00

cause i still cant stop crying like a fucking pussy . :D hahahahahas ! i am tired man ! tired of crying like that . i got to stop but i cant like what the fuck ! why am i still so concern about you when you're not already ? is it worth it ? i shouldnt be like this already . i hate this . you're perfectly fine and i am perfectly not fine ! :D crying and everything got to stop . but still , i cant ! fuck ! i am big pussy , fucking screwed up bitch ! isnt it enough ? being worried is wrong . not being worried to me is wrong also . so what am i suppose to do ? so now i realise its so difficult to love somebody from behind . i hate being worried untill i have to cry . cause i cried about many things alrdy . i dont want to end and start a year with me crying . but what the fuck man ! what the hell can i do ? just kill me and let me die , and gorge myself with ice cream and die again . :D i so need ice cream now ! going to be like before again . its so easy to fall down but so difficult to climb up and see the sunny sun again . i see nothing but a black fucking piece of shit ! :D its going to be a month of clearing that piece of shit away , but still its fucking black ! its still attached to my bloody mind ! :D
HERE WITHOUT YOU - 3 DOORS DOWN .

HUNDRED AND TWENTY SIX

2009-12-30T22:43:00.003+08:00

SEC ONE DAY CAMP ! screwed up . tired and nothing much happened . cause i was concentrating on you . and that stinks . cause whatever i do , its not correct at all . nothing ! sorry for looking at you . i am screwed up bitch . cause nothing i do is correct . i shouldnt look at you right ? i cannot control myself also . i just want to talk to you . but i guess it will never happen right ? i hurt you so fcking much right ? i feel like a screwed up bitch ! no point complaining so much ! all i can do is just cry what ? what a pathetic screwed up bitch i am ! thanks so much man ! :D really . cause i can never get what i want right ? this is a pathetic post , posted by a pathetic girl who can do nothing but cry . cause she is a fcking screwed up BITCH !

HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE

2009-12-29T20:08:00.004+08:00

after crying out , eyes hurts but i feel better ! so much better . :D see my last time the photos and realise that , i have super long hair but now , its so short ! ahhhhh ! super sad lah . hahahs . realise that i troubled alot of people during this terrible week of mine , so i decided i should sms everybody who helped me . each individual , a different msg . these true friends . :D there are so many that i dont want to name out. :D hahahahas . anyway , tmr got the camp ! cant wait for it . i know its going to be fun . and i am super tired now .
i hope you will be alright . :D and that everything will end soon . :D nothing more will come your way . i will pray for you . i know GOD will answer to my prayers . he wont let me down in anyway . :D i am still here , call me or anything . i will answer your calls . :D but i dont think it will ever happen , if you really need help or a listening ear , i am free ! :D even if i am not , i will make time , because , i still want you as my friend . as my good good friend . :D
so much homework , so less time . got many uncompleted homework . super duper screwed ! :D
ILOVEJESUS !
please answer to my prayers ! just that important one .
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND TWENTY FOUR

2009-12-29T18:48:00.004+08:00

tears rolling down my face . is that a good thing ? i am super duper worried for you . please dont give up on yourself like that . i want to be your listening ear . but i know i cant be anymore . i am really sincerly worried for you . please be fine alright . i know i cant help in anything but please , i can lend you a listening ear . i dont expect us to get back alrdy . as long as you're happy . i must learn to understand that if i love somebody so deeply , what i want is to see him happy and not a must to own him . just be alright dear . i want you to be okay . i want you to be laughing like last time . before you know me , like last time . i hope you wont find me irritating that i send you an sms . all i want is to let you know that i am still here and i still care . dont rush through decisions . i will be praying for you . if i cant be your listening ear , all i can do is to pray for you . and pray that everything will be alright and nothing will go wrong for you anymore .
did alot of planning and thats it . plan plan and plan . :D tmr got day camp untill 9 . seriously no mood to blog now . i just want him to be alright ! no use crying , i know . but at least it makes me feel better .
ILOVEJESUS !
please make sure he will be alright . from last time till now that i know him , nothing he did makes him deserve this kinda bullshit . i dont care what he did to me already . i just want him to be alright . its his last year , and its almost time for him to step down and concentrate on his examinations alrdy . dont pull him down from everything at this point of time . you can take him away from me , maybe we arent meant to be but all i want him is to be alright ? please answer to my prayer . this important prayer that will make me relieve . please .
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND TWENTY THREE

2009-12-28T23:53:00.003+08:00

i dont know why but somehow , maybe , there are alot of people reading my blog . and i dont know how they got the URL but its okay . :D a blog is meant for me to write how i feel and partially for people to read . :D so yeahman . CHIN's birthday today ! hope he had fun ! super funny things happened today . played ball then pool then ball . then movie ! :D got back like half an hour ago only . in another like an hour . then zheliang is going to land in singapore alrdy ! cant believe i am saying this but i miss his nonsense ! :D tmr 9 am got meeting . and i still haven sleep . going to see you tmr . and yes , i am not going to cry or anything . i wont forget i just wont remember . :D since you want me out of your life . i will listen to you then . nothing more i can say . even if now i still want you back , nothing is going to work . yes , the book that made me cried wrote that , its not about how long the relationship is , its how deep is it . maybe , our love was so deep that , i disappointed you big time , and it takes a long time for me to forget about you . that's why i am like that now . at this point of time . if i love you i have to let go of you right ? but what about keeping the faith ? :D love is just so contradicting . weird weird weird !
ILOVEJESUS !
can i pray to you like this every night ? hahahas ! i think you will know that i am talking to you . :D wished that everything will be fine tmr . can complete at least half of my work . :D and for me to get on with life . and stop thinking about all this things . if it is meant to be mine , it will be right ? no matter what obstacles we faced , if we are meant to be together , we will still be together yeah . i just have to keep the burning faith in me . i hope that he can be happy whatever he will be doing .
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND TWENTY TWO

2009-12-27T22:05:00.003+08:00

went to church ! :D and it was about looking at the interior not the exterior thing . :D make sense lol ! :D next week preaching thing is about true happiness ! its a MUST go for me lah ! i will go and listen and pay attention like crazy hahahas ! :D then went to play ball . had fun ! because i wore an OBS BRIGHT GREEN TSHIRT that i got it for christmas FROM CHIN ! hahahas . super bright and i love it so much . :D hahahas . its that crazy dog birthday tmr , and i dont know what to get him . so i think i shall just spend time with him too ? :D hahaahhas . and my phone is cocked up shit ! :D hahahas . so borrowing phone from him also ! :D school is starting in one week time and i have not completed my homework ! SO COOL LAH ! hahaahahahs . finally the worst weeks of my life are over . suddenly everything got straight alrdy . its time to get busy studying and i have to really stop thinking about who is that girl or guy and everything . no matter how much i think , i will also not know . as long as you're happy . :D hahahas . like always , loving somebody doesnt mean you have to own them . as long as you're happy , i will be . :D cant bother much about how you're going to scold me . cause if i keep scolding you also . there will be even a lesser chance for us to talk again . and shawn ng said that , if i scold you it will be like scolding myself . :D so yeahman ! just be happy .

HUNDRED AND TWENTY ONE

2009-12-26T21:52:00.002+08:00

didnt go anywhere today . just roam around and had dinner with my aunts and grandma . :D hahahas . dinner was fabulous . super duper full . going to church tmr ! :D hahahahas . hope i can wake up . dont want to go and sleep but there is nothing else i can do . aiyoyo ! superb bored . i somewhat , cant take it anymore man ! why is it so fcked up hard to forget about you ? it has been only 3 months but why is it so super hard ? seriously , hate it when the night come . cause i will have nothing to do then i will keep thinking about it . who is that person ? i know i shouldnt care so much alrdy . but , hais .. shouldnt care about it so much alrdy . anw , that person also wont be me anymore . it could be another girl or something . really have to get you out of my head . its so crap up hard ! i am trying everyday le lah . and everyday , i still feel like crying ! its almost going to be 3 weeks plus i think , and i still cant do it . how can you do it so quickly ? can teach me ? i am sick and tired of being like this . why is it so difficult ? i am trying to be alright infront of people . i cant stop thinking about it !
ILOVEJESUS !
please help me . i dont want to have the crying feeling anymore . i had enough . if he can forget that easily , its time for me to be able to forget . to get over him . cause he doesnt love me anymore , he doesnt care anymore . please save me from this ordeal .
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND TWENTY

2009-12-25T23:36:00.002+08:00

first and foremost ! :D MERRY CHRISTMAS ! hahahas . i am being lame here . i dont know your mum will read my blog . she has the freedom to read it if she wants . she told you but i never ask her to do that . i never private my blog so anybody and everybody can read it . i cant stop them . this is my blog . i can post what i like . really , you can write on your blog that you hate me more and more . and ask me to stop doing this kinda things . you think i want to do this ? tell me who can i tell . they will ask me to forget about you . and for your information i am trying real hard . it is fcking easy for you but not for me alright . i need more time then you think to forget about you . if your love for me is so less that you can really just forget like that then good for you . you can dont talk to me . you can scold me in your blog , your personal message and everything . but the thing is you cant stop be from loving you if i want to . dont read my blog then . dont care about what your mum says . there is nothing i can do . i cant control her can i . do whatever that makes you happy alright . just live your perfect and better life now without me . you can forget that easily but I CANT ALRIGHT !? just accept that fact !
today is christmas ! :D went to church . saw this skit ! come on man ! why did i give up faith in jesus in the first place ? i can lose everything but not the faith man ! :D jesus will be there to listen to my prayers . like what i say that time , he is my forever boyfriend and will light up the path for me . he will show me the right path to go ! :D then after that went to town and walk walk . with CHIN and FRED ! :D super nice triple date ! :D i swear , we did the most stupid stuff we can ever do . :D and yeahman , i had uber fun ! and we made an internal joke out : christmas is all about lying . =P hahahahs ! but the truth is , christmas is the brith of jesus christ ! :D no christ no christmas ! :D hahahahahahas . i am being holy here . ahhhh ! i am going to be a faithful devoter to jesus ! :D must go church man ! CHIN ! drag me go church no matter what you do man ! i dont care alright ! :D must make me holy . hahahahas . i going insane alrdy lah .
DUMBDUMB ! you better eat your medicine and take care of yourself alright ! :D dont make me nag at you like an old grandma . you silly boy ! sick alrdy still tell me you want to go play pool . you make sure i dont whack you only ! :D 7 more minutes and christmas is over ! :D
ILOVEJESUS !
thanks for being there for me man ! :D you're the greatest and you will tell me what to do . for the first time , i am going to say this , my life is in your hands . :D sometimes , its just what you plan for me and there is nothing i can do about it . it will just teach me how to be a better person ! :D
AMEN !

HUNDRED AND NINETEEN

2009-12-25T10:08:00.002+08:00

didnt blog yesterday because , i was out almost the whole day and i only return home this morning at 3am . so dead tired . 1 hour plus more need to go church alrdy . then after that i dont know where i will be going . you finally post , you seem so much happier now . i miss you fck up much . so want to talk to you and everything . but i cant . again and again , i cant . cause you dont care anymore . sometimes , i wonder if i am really happy now . everyday , i still think about you . yst , at around 11 plus , me and my friends walked around yishun and somehow , we walked till your hse . but there is nothing i can do about it even if want to see you . cause you got your other friends and you're so happy with them . i sms you . but you didnt reply . i guess , we cant even be friends anymore right ? its just so difficult .
dumb dumb , your freedom days are over . for the past 8 days , thank you for everything yeah . you serious accompanied me through my saddest days . thank you ! and you cannot forget about me you bird brain ! :D study hard alright ! :D
kuku , i dont know why you not replying me . but aiyoyo . like what i say we know each other 10 days only , but we are like good friends for 10 years le . why you say this kind of things . hope you will reply me soon yeah . :D i love your company and all your silly funny jokes , and you never say anything wrong .

HUNDRED AND EIGHTEEN

2009-12-23T22:26:00.003+08:00

FINALLY ! that crazy dog is back . and when he is back , he keep stepping my leg untill he super happy like that ! :D hahaahahs . cannot stand it man ! :D then after that keep saying sorry . but its okay i forgive him ! :D then alot of funny things happen today . then met dumb dumb again , talk to him about rubbish again . like always , and he did something so dumb !! :D cause dumb people like him will never do anything smart ! :D hahaahhas . tmr might go and play ball in the morning again ! :D super fun ! then going to tan myself again . sec one registration today , sweat like crazy and saw you ! :D hahahas . when i saw you , i thought to myself , today , is going to be scary . then i dont know why i keep seeing you again and again . then there was this particular time then i really want to go over and hug you and tell you that i really need you back . but , i know i wont have the guts to do it . when i saw her talking to you , i told myself , you have the freedom alrdy , all i could do is stand at one side and get jealous for not being able to talk to you . i guess she likes you , what about you ? that's the worst thing that will ever happen to me . i am really afraid that you will be tgt with her . when i saw you at the airport . suddenly , so many emotions came over me . i wanted to cry again . i wasnt alright at all . i guess , if i never see wrongly , you changed your watch ? maybe , it gave you unpleasant thoughts about me again . and you should really get over me . many people told me that the way to forget about a person is to start hating that person . you can do it , cause i know you hate the guts out of me alrdy . but the more i want to hate you for making me cry for so many times , i just think about the days where we were together and nothing would seem to be a problem for us . after that , it really spoilt my mood . i didnt even want to eat , cause i kept thinking about you . and i couldnt stop even if i want to . then , i saw you before i went back home just now , the feeling was different . cause this time when i looked at you , you were smiling . and it has been long when i saw that smile . cause this time i felt that it was genuine . and you werent faking it . so i wasnt sad , i was actually happy for you . i dont know , maybe this is going to last for a long time , so people who are reading , you all can dont read . cause i am always talking about the same thing . and things that are bothering me . i just want to say out my feelings . :D

HUNDRED AND SEVENTEEN

2009-12-22T23:50:00.003+08:00

going to see my dog soon ! :D ahhh ! miss him crap up much ! so want him to make me laugh again with all his bullshit ! :D hahahahas . talked to somebody just now . so cool ! miss her damn fcked up much ! :D so love talking to her . she does nothing , but laugh out loud ! :D i am scared to see you tmr ! :D i scared i will cry and i wont be able to cope with it . but tmr , its the first time parents is going to see YTSS so , i am going to smile and do nothing else ! just smile ! :D hahahs . COOL RIGHT !? cant wait to see our sec ones ! :D will be the coolest thing to do ! love it man ! :D we are going to be single for all we care right ? :D cause we will be there for each other forever ! :D hahahahs . why do i never quarrel with you and fred !? hahahhas . i know is always you all bearing all my nonsensical stuff ! :D LOL ! i very rubbish now lah ! just dont want to sleep even though i have to wake up at 5.15 tmr !! :D need to go to school but , aiyah , can be bothered . went to play ball in the morning like super early . then the sun was sooooooo BRIGHT ! then my leg got tanned ! :D with my haviainas shoe print on it ! so cool man ! LOVE IT ! should go and play ball more often ! miss the feel and touch of ball even though i play it like 5 days in a row ! i need my shilian water ! :D hahahahahahahs . shampwooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooooo ! :D sampson choo ! ahhhhhhh ! crazy calvin dumb dumb ! :D got to thank both of you for this 5 days ! :D hope you all dont get bored seeing me =P ! hahahahahs !

HUNDRED AND SIXTEEN

2009-12-22T19:59:00.002+08:00

how was the birthday party thing ? hahahs . i so want to be there with you . i really want to . but now , i am at home blogging . haven bath yet , stinking like i dont know what . played ball in the morning , played ball after cca . thats all i can do nowadays , just to play ball . ms tham , sms me and ask me to do something . and yes , i am going to do it later with marisa . there is nothing else i can do anymore . :( the feeling is coming back . i miss him so much ! so so so so much . i hate this feeling but i cant stop myself from not having this feeling . i really dont know what to do . feel like killing myself . i hate myself for being like this again ! ahhhhhh ! the crap up feeling is coming back . so want to hug you and kiss you like last time . like , every minute of my life is all about you . i can never have it back anymore ! not anymore ! fck ! i feel like scolding myself . sherrin pok is a fcking bitch who cant accept the fact that she cant get what she wants again ! yes , i want everything i want . but what i want most now is you ! why the fck cant you understand that ? my heart is starting to ache again ! like fck ache ! its too late to say anything alrdy ! everything is over and yet , i am still harpping on the past ! why must i be like this !? why cant i stand strong and be like last time ! fck i hate the sherrin pok now ! i need things to occupy my mind . if nothing occupied my mind , i will keep thinking about you ! why the fck does it happen to me ? everything that happen between this two weeks ! i need to get the fck out of this week , this year . cause there is nothing much more to say , cause it doesnt matter , cause all that i am doing is grumble grumble and more grumble like last time .

HUNDRED AND FIFTEEN

2009-12-21T20:39:00.003+08:00

tmr , i WAS supposed to go and celebrate your cousin's birthday but now , there isnt a need to go anymore cause i am nobody . thanks for that unexpected request . seriously , do you want the books back ? if you want tell me yeah . really cant expect this surprising surprise that came out of you . this is the worst 2 weeks of my life ! nothing is going right . i have so many unexpected surprises . come on man , can my life get any worst than this ? at least , you got over it alrdy . at least , you're alright now . kept playing ball nowadays , and that is the only time then i am happy . cause i got my happy water with me . i hope i dont cry tmr . cause it was supposed to be our 4th month tgt . now i cant expect anything anymore right ? seriously just want school to start . wednesday , i am afraid i cant take it . i dont know what to do . so want to talk to you and be friends . anw , i am still waiting for that message . must live life happily cause i know that there are people who care for me and want me to be alright . and everything will be . going to be left with nothing but only a strong girl that's in me .

HUNDRED AND FOURTEEN

2009-12-20T23:35:00.002+08:00

cause i cant believe you said that . seriously , not from you . so this now i feel how it is like to be talked behind your back . :D hahahahas . got to change me , myself and i man ! :D everything is going to change . tuesday need to go school in the morning untill 5 plus . at least there is something for me to do that day . :D then i wont think about so much things . cause that was the day i was suppose to be out with you . :D and many things that will make me happy . you haven been blogging . and i dont know how you are doing . hope you're doing fine alright . :D went out to play ball again . my hand is like aching now . keep playing ball nowadays . cause nowadays very pekcek then throw ball very hard , sometimes , those who are usually play basketball also cant catch it cause its damn hard . so my right hand is aching now . and i swear i am going to feel pain like tmr . :D hahahas . i am strong and independent now thats why i am like that . for your information . he didnt changed me . he pamper and love me so much thats why i feel that i can be dependent on him . cause whatever happens , he will be here for me . :D yeahman . i am going to be alright , cause i dont want people around me to be worried . :D but maybe , my heart still aches about the fact and i still want you back . =P

HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN

2009-12-19T09:59:00.003+08:00

hahahas . been going back home from 11plus to 12plus nowadays . less than 6 hours of sleep everyday cause always out since morning . my sister pop out a very weird question yst , she ask , why after not even two weeks you seem alright alrdy , and can like go and flirt that kinda thing . i thought about it , what can i do other than move on with life ? no matter what i do , the sun still rise and set . the earth still revolves . i am still not alright , not at all . hahahas . he is still in my heart . that special place that has a lock . and only a key can open that . too much things are happening to me now . i bet if you were here you would tell me what to do . i hope you dont do anything to surprise me . i had enough surprises . everybody is leaving me . 1. you 2. goodfriend 3.goodfriend . i had enough . i got no more feelings anymore . LOL ! two being together , is two of their problems . i said that last time , i still say it now . but the thing is what i realise after a long time is that when you are going to go into a relationship that everyone objects , things would be sacrifices , friends will be unhappy . it just depends on what you're going to do and dont regret it . just make sure you know this is the right choice . i am not like her , i never dont allow . its you and his problem . i wont say anything . but the feeling i am feeling now when it seems like my world is crashing down , all of you would never understand . baby , i really so need you here .
guy , thanks for saying that i treat you like some spare tire . you know what you did . i dont want to elaborate . you make me have the wrong idea . that's all i want to say . if i did , then i am sorry . if i made you feel this way than forget it . i hope you last long with her yeah . you just wont have that kinda feeling of what i am feeling now . you will never understand .
girl , you take things too easily alrdy . but if you really love him , then so be it . just dont regret whatever you are going to do . i cant say i mind . its your xingfu , i cant spoil it . and i dont want to . but somethings , you need to sacrifice . like last time when i was with him , i sacrifice my ever goodfriend . but i still live with that regret in me . move step by step .

HUNDRED AND TWELVE

2009-12-18T00:29:00.002+08:00

OMG ! got back at 11 today . just surprise and trauma ! :D ahhahahas . but everything was fine today ! cant wait for my nice sweet dog to come back . so miss him man ! his idioticness ! :D if there is that word . :D hahahahas . had a long talk with a old man today . :D super cool . :D everybody said that so maybe it will come true . just going to move on with life . i am going GAGA about LADY GAGA ! i love the song bad romance . :D for once ! :D hahahahas . actually i think this is the third or fourth song i am going crazy about her songs . :D going to be strong and move on with life . got many broken pieces for me to pick up ! :D got to move on ! :D stay strong man !

HUNDRED AND ELEVEN

2009-12-16T22:42:00.002+08:00

i dont care what you say . if it is talking about me , i also dont care . somebody told me i should believe what i want to believe . have faith in everything i do . and try everything i want to do if not i will regret . so what i want to tell you is that i still love you . i dont care if you dont anymore . i know you need time . yah , time . time will tell it all . time will tell you that i still love you . time will show me what you are seriously thinking . i dont expect anything from you anymore . you need time . you have the world of the time , cause i love you and i will give you as much time as you want . you're not feeling good . you're good great friend says you're feeling lost and she hates me from the start . and she is right . i brought this to you . i am sorry . but i aint going to stop here . cause i only live once . this is my only life and i decide what i should do with it . i am going to be the strong girl that is gone for a very long time . for a very very long time . its slowly coming back . and i am going to do what i want to do . what i feel is the right thing for me to do . what i know i wont regret doing . she can hate me for all she wants . i will let her be . cause the person i love is you not her . i am not blaming her at all cause what she is doing , she is doing it for you and it's for your own good . you need her now and that's all i know . i wanted you to tell me how you really feel . i want to get back with you but i know now , now aint the right time . but i will wait . i really will . i came to my sense now . yes , right at this moment . i know i cant force anything on you . i will just let time flow and let you know that i still love you . and that day will come . cause i believe one day you will be ready , and i will recieve the msg that i always wish i had . and i will still love you even if you dont . it aint something that is going to torture me . cause i do what i like and what i feel i will never regret for life . three months , you got no idea how much you impact me . how much of a deal you became in my life . i believe you will be reading this . i thank god for letting you have a great friend as good as her . cause she is here for you baby . she will be and always will , i know . cause i am a girl and my goodfriend is also a guy . all i want you to know is that i am still here for you . baby , i still love you and miss you like always . even if you dont care , even if i am going for a one sided love . i will try , if not i will regret for life . if i try i know , i tried , and i never let myself down . :D

HUNDRED AND TEN

2009-12-16T19:46:00.003+08:00

went to suntec for some bookfest thing today . :D was quite entertaining . before that went to eat lunch with shawn , mitchell and fred . so everything was funny and all . nothing is going well in my life now . people who are very close to me starts leaving me one by one . like last time . the cycle is repeating . they are all slowly leaving me . more problems are coming up . seriously do need your support . i just hope you're somewhere in your heart supporting me . maybe that's what i want in my lalaland . :D everything feels weird today . but at least , i had fun i guess . hahahas . still waiting .. and waiting for that special msg to come .

HUNDRED AND NINE !

2009-12-15T21:29:00.002+08:00

if what he said is true , i am sad . cause i thought you still cared . but if he really did heard it from you . then i think you only cared for me in the past and not now . but i still do care like always . that's all i have to say . you need your friends more than me now . at least they are there for you . no point our friends quarreling within each other . only we know what we are feeling and i am hoping for the best . hoping that everything will turn out fine soon . still waiting for that day to come when you will send me a sms . that's my only christmas wish . you will grant that wish right , santa ? :D

HUNDRED AND EIGHT !

2009-12-15T18:41:00.003+08:00

i am so super duper sorry . have no idea who is that at all . anyway i am just sorry . i am still waiting for your message when you're ready .

went to bishan , amk and causeway today . cool huh ? like i travelling around the entire north area . i bought newbie shirt ! :D haahhhas . and i am going to wear it and make SEDUCER jealous . hahahas . promised him to blog about him . calm down alrdy , so i finally rmb . :D hahaahas . eight more days , he will be back yeah . :D then fred is following me to fetch him also . cool right ? glad everything is working out fine now . hahahas . i am super duper happy that i am finally standing up on my feet now . not going to fall again about this matter anymore . going to be strong . i think thats what you want . at least thats what i think you want . whatever you say is affecting me dear . even the littlest thing .

HUNDRED AND SEVEN !

2009-12-15T11:56:00.002+08:00

i am going to be the old me alrdy . no more crying . hahahs . thank you everybody who has been trying to comfort me yeah . and i think i showed so many people that i cried . hahahas . but , all of you all are my good friends so no worries . i will be glad that you all are here . i am happy that you're doing fine dear . just relieve to know that you're going to be fine . got to learn from you how to make life more meaningful . the only person who can make me smile is the person who made me cry . and you did make me smile . thinking of you i can alrdy smile . no more crying . i will just smile . cause its the only best thing that i can do . i will be brave and carry on walking . next year sec 3 alrdy . there are many things that i still need to do . i am going to stand infront of the school everyday ! :D hahahahs . not a president , just as a vice preseident that i hope to be . :D woooootsss ! :D
seriously , when you're ready , i will be waiting for your message . :D

HUNDRED AND SIX

2009-12-14T19:21:00.002+08:00

i get what you mean . yah , i am rotting . i dont know what to do at all . i rather have school now . to have something to occupy me . cause whenever i have nothing to do , tears just start flowing . you think i want to live like that ? no . not at all . i just need to hear it from you . i dont know what to do . you tell me what to do . i will listen i promise . living my life well , i hope i can . i just keep thinking about the past . its not like i want it . but i miss it . i really do . every small little thing we do together . its easy to say you love someone , but difficult to confess . its easy to love someone , but difficult to make sure it last . its easy to give promises , but difficult to make sure you dont break it . its easy to make plans , but difficult to carry it out . its easy to say , but difficult to do . lastly , its easy to die , but very very very difficult to carry on living .
ps :/ when you're ready to be friends , i will be waiting for your msg .

HUNDRED AND FIVE !

2009-12-13T20:05:00.003+08:00

trying not to miss you so badly . really want to know what you're doing every minute . really want to cry but tears aint flowing out . waiting for you to come online , but when you are , i got nothing to say . cause i dont know what to say . really need you back badly . very very badly . do you know that ? i want you back . i really do . can i have you back ? pointless right ? if there is something i can do to get you back , i would . i really would . no matter what it is , if i can do it , i would . cause i really want you back . ynroh , i miss it . miss chatting with you at night about nonsensical stuff . when we both love that moment . can we be like last time ? please .

HUNDRED AND FOUR !

2009-12-13T12:12:00.002+08:00

thanks for all the memories . thank you . for the past 100 over days . you made me happy and felt that i was loved by somebody . for all that we have done together , doing naughty stuff in school , spending time together ... everything was fabulous . i am blessed throughout the 100 over days . thank you .

HUNDRED AND THREE

2009-12-12T20:19:00.002+08:00

would it be too much to ask from santa if i wanted a patch back for christmas ? is it too much to ask for ? realise that actually 22nd of december i was suppose to go out with you . actually i was looking forward to it . but now i realise i dont even have the chance to go at all . from the day you told me you love me . from the day you thought that you were only going crazy about me and werent serious . from the day that you promised me that you will love me forever and always . from the day you told me that nothing could seperate us . from the day you told me that you wont break with me . from the day you told me that you would love me from the bottom of your heart . it has been 100 over days since that day . but now , we are just strangers i guess . nothing you told me came true . nothing i wanted came true . nothing . i thought i knew where we were going . where we wanted to head together . but now , i dont see anything . my parents said i looked lost , looked as if the world came to an end . without you , is that happening to me ? i really wonder . you looked happy . i hope you seriously are . i remember how we used to say that you will come and find me after you graduate . but now , even before you graduate we got nothing much to do with each other . would i be silly if i said i will wait ? would i be torturing myself . cause i know that whatever i want will never come true . i am deluding myself everytime it comes to this kinda thing aint i ? would it really be too much to ask for if i wanted a patch back ? would it ? what hurts me most is that you dont have the feeling alrdy , and i know that , that is something that will be so difficult for me to help you get it back . you're happy , you want nothing to do with me anymore . but i still want to have something to do with you . i want to go out like last time . when you are who i am going to meet . i want to hug you like last time . but i guess it will never happen , ever again right ? i am still waiting . really waiting . cause other than that , i dont know what to do anymore . still crying like before .

HUNDRED AND TWO !

2009-12-12T00:08:00.002+08:00

cause i realise that there is nothing more i can do to get you back . even if i cry every day . every night , nothing is going to make you come back to me . cause it doesnt work anymore . i really want to talk to you . really want to spend time with you . but i know i am not able to do so alrdy . you dont want to think about it alrdy . cause maybe all i have given you are all sad memories and memories you dont want to remember . i am really sad . real real sad . putting on a fake smile for the past two days . i really dont know when i will get over it . i really want to get back together , but i know you dont . yes , you made a point . there is no point getting back together when you dont love me anymore . yah , i know its over . but i know i am still haggling onto it , i dont want to let go . cause i am still in my delusion land that you're still mine . and i thought you will always be . but i am wrong . read all your past msg , remember how sweet you were . but you arent now . maybe you are , to another girl and that girl aint me . i rather stay in my delusion lalaland . yah , its time to cry to bed now .

HUNDRED AND ONE ! :D

2009-12-11T22:14:00.002+08:00

i am a flustered women . i dont know how to blog anymore . :D so isnt it good . i went to town today . need to kill time cause i miss you alot . i know you dont care . i know you dont have anymore feelings . i know you can start laughing about the matter . i know you're happy without me . at least thats what i see . at least you're happy . and that's all i really care about . since you're happy without me , then so be it . i should stop disturbbing you right ? crying to myself to bed every night . missing every moment that i spend with you . i thought this coming week , i am going to spend almost everyday with you . but now i dont think i can even see you . going to send him off tmr , i am afraid to see you . now whenever i hear your voice i see your picture , i will keep thinking about how you scold me that night and it is very scary . you never scold me like that before and you did that that day . do you know how much it actually hurt me ? hahas . now all i can remember is how you scold me . and i dont like it . you changed . you werent like this last time , not at all . you never do this to me at all . i wonder , what you're doing now ? how are you . i really want to talk to you . trying to occupy myself every single minute . once i have nothing to occupy my mind , i will start thinking about you . i still do miss you and love you . and i hope you know that . i know , you will want to slap my face , hang my call and do everything just to slap my face . so it's okay . i am grumbling like usual . :D

HUNDRED !

2009-12-10T19:44:00.003+08:00

SHERRIN STILL ..
love you .
thanks for telling the entire world that you're single . seriously i dont know whether i should hate you for that . i cried like there was no tmr and apparently you cant be bothered . yah , you cant take it anymore . but thanks for being so harsh on me . cause i just found out that apparently you dont feel anything anymore . i wonder if you're still human . seriously , thanks . finally got back your life yeah . congrats . i think all your ncc cadets are all happy for you . finally got your freedom back and have time for them . took up your time for three months , its time to return you to them yeah ? dissappointed cause you broke your promises . that's the thing i am most dissappointed in . cause you never keep your promise . dont promise me anything anymore . really . not even as a friend , cause i dont know how to face you anymore . cause , i showed you my most pathetic and desperate side and you dont bother . so as a friend , i doubt you will . you're the first guy who can be so uncaring towards me , when i cried like i am left with nothing . you still dont care . you will be the first and the last . thanks for pampering and loving me for 3 months yeah , to take up all the bullshit i gave yeah . for accepting my past . anw , N levels next year . you should concentrate . to all the guys out there yeah , your girlfriend is for you to love and pamper . :D

NINETY NINE :D

2009-12-09T15:07:00.002+08:00

SHERRIN HOPES WHAT SHE'S DOING IS CORRECT !
cause she's afraid .
1. MY ENTIRE POST .
hahahas . so just read my entire post man . just came back from leopard chalet . soo soo soo many things happen and yet , i am still going to play ball in another 15minutes . cause it's time to release somethings . LOL ! wondering if we are meant to be . everywhere we go everybody ask the same thing . so there must be something wrong with both of us . i thought everything was alright . but apparently not . he's right , cause not everybody can take my weird character . but sometimes , things that i want are just so simple . i dont want anything big . i dont need the entire world , i just want you and i hope you know . you're worried about many things , so am i baby . so am i . i'm worried too . but because of me asking the same questions , you might find me irritating . maybe i forgot that i asked , or maybe you just really dont look like you're okay . and i am so worried . it's a good time for us to think about it . i dont know how to be the perfect girlfriend for you .

NINETY EIGHT ! :D

2009-11-30T19:23:00.002+08:00

WAS IT A WRONG PATH ?
cause there is this weird feeling in me .
1. BEIJING TRIP
hahahas . it was fabulous . everything is super duper fun . even though there are people i dont want to see at all . hahahas . so i couldnt really be bothered but i had uber fun . if i had a choice i will still go . see another side of many seniors . and seniors who i thought were scary were actually super duper fun . hahahhas . i bought many many things for everybody yeah !! :D hahahas . not everybody but all that i could remember .
2. YOU !
hahahs . you know i miss you and i need not elaborate further . haahas . i wonder why are we together ? hahahhas . cause it's like suddenly i feel that we have nothing in common . not even common friends . hahahas . i love everything about you . how you make me smile , laugh and even angry . but it's just so different , both of us . i dont know why i am saying this but it's just different .
3. _____
did i choose the wrong path to go ?
4. TERRIBLE HAIR CUT !
hahahahhas . i think the tittle explains all . no further elaboration . :D
ILOVEJESUS ! :D
get my thoughts right
AMEN !

NINETY SEVEN ! :D

2009-11-16T20:05:00.002+08:00

SHERRIN DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO DO , BABY ! :D
cause apparently , i dont think you want me to care
1. YOU & HER .
i read her blog . she is so disappointed with you . she is going to start to hate you and want to slap your face . sometimes . it's you who got to make the first move . anw , she is a girl . you cant expect her to be the one moving the first step . you got to be more sensitive towards her feelings yeah . you promised me not to break any promises you promised me . so dont break any promises you gave her . like what i told you last time , having a girlfriend and a good friend who is still a girl , jealousy kills and it's never that easy . maybe she miss you one thousand times more than me . maybe , i shouldnt stick with you too much . to let you have your own space too . i hope you get what i mean . i wont get angry or pekcek the next time i hear this . cause , this morning what i felt when i heard this was speechless . i thought you said we shouldnt hide things from each other ? but you just hide something from me . i'm not angry not nothing . it's okay . maybe you didnt want me to bother . dont want me to worry . dont lose a goodfriend like her . if you say she is your goodfriend then yeahman , cherish her and dont let her leave you no matter what . take an effort like how you would take an effort to come and meet me . go out dinner or lunch with her . even it is a very short kind of thing . but at least just let her know that you're still there and you will always be yeah . its always little things you do that make her stay by your side . :D in the end , it's up to you . :D

2.OOI KAIYANG .
after seeing what happened between them , i find myself super duper FORTUNATE ! even though you're always going crazy about different kind of girls and always make me angry . and ditching me aside after i got my boyfriend , its okay ! :D hahahs . cause i know you will be there when i cry and when i want to pinch or kill someone . :D remember , there is always something tying us together on our legs man ! :D i am super duper glad that i have a super duper good friend like you . no matter who many gazillion years we never talk , when we meet each other , there are like a thousand and one things to say and we will never run out of topic . you're just different from the rest . i thank you for being so understanding alright . :D you stand out like there is noone else except for you . maybe you're a guy , so i wont get so much trouble from you . anw , i miss spending time with you . today , such a short time at mac , i knew so many super much things from you . sometimes , i know its this kind of short things that bring us on . we need to carry this on yeah . :D

ILOVEJESUS ! :D
why do people have such different characters ?
AMEN !

NINTY SIX ! :D

2009-11-11T19:23:00.002+08:00

SHERRIN HAS HER REASONS !
for doing what she is now .
1. I MISS EDWINTAN .
hahahs . he is at chalet now . but i am going to find him tmr . wonder if that is a correct choice to make . aiyoyo . but i feel that i go because of him . but its okay , its him and nobody else yeah . hahahas . and he says i keep sneezing because he miss me too much . hahahahs ! i cant stop sneezing anw ! super angry with my nose ! LOL ! i hope everything will go right tmr ! and his jelly was fabulous . it was super duper sweet and nice alright ! :D hahahas . i dont mind him being a chef and cooking for me everyday ! i swear , i will be super duper fat and plump ! :D

2. MARKETTING AND MATH !
going marketting tmr . to fuchun sec ! 7am must be in school people ! :D hahahas . yeahman . i want go see how is marketting like . but the thing is , OMG ! tmr go indices test and most probably i must still take it . :D must memorise the laws ! LOL ! i swear , dont be surprise that i fail math next time ! :D

3. COOKIES !
baked cookies yesterday at ernchi house . supposingly i am suppose to make for him but in the end , he was the one baking for me and screaming at me asking be not to eat , cause it wasnt ready . hahahas ! and i read one teaspoon to one tablespoon ! get the super big difference ! :D LOL ! but in the end , the cookies were quite nice . it wasnt really that bad ! :D hahahas .

4. ERNRAE LOVE ME ! :D
hahahas . her first sentence when ernchi called was : is sherrin still there ! hahahahs ! that made my day like super crazy and high ! cause she loved me ! :D hahahahs . and ernchi is super piss off ! :D

5. OKP !
odnt be surprise if i will drop amath too . hahahahs . maybe next time yeah . :D and , hahahs . dont be excited for him . LOL ! :D i am not a very nice girlfriend yeah . :D LOL ! whereas you are a very nice boyfriend so keep it up ! :D LOL ! and and , how was your o level chinese ? :D i hope you did well. you can do it de yeah . :D so yeahman , next year is your big Os alrdy . think you will be blogging less yeah . but , dont be too stress out ! too stress can come talk cold jokes and crap with me ! :D hahahs . so long ever since we did that ! :D and where is jerr going for obs ? hahahas !

6. BEIJING !
9 more days . and i am leaving singapore again . sure , i am going to miss alot of people . hahahas . even thought it is only for 8 days . :D going with my vice principal somemore ! :D ahahahhahas . super going to die ! :D i hope my sleeping partner is going to be someone fun man ! :D cause , i wont mind sleeping with OOI KAIYANG ! :P hahahs . and i know he wont mind too de alright ! :D

ILOVEJESUS ! :D
i pray for this to be over
AMEN !

NINETY FIVE :D

2009-11-08T19:57:00.004+08:00

SHERRIN IS GLAD .
glad that you're happy .
1. I LOVE MY BABY ! :D
somebody had nothing to do and started making jelly for no reasons . hahhas . guess what , i want to eat it . :D hahahas . i am so going to make ernchi jealous ! :D hahahahs . sad case right , i havent even make anything for you yet ! :D hahahahs . wait okay , soon soon . i will find something nice to make for you . :D hahahs ! you will never fail to make me happy yeah . always giving me so many surprises . you're the sweetest thing in my life now . :D

2. I HATE THE BEIJING TRIP ! :D
super crap ! got some stupid briefing by the agency tmr at night in school . dont feel like going . but that OOI KAIYANG ! ask me to go and listen and tell him what they say . irritating fellow ! aiyoyo ! but , nevermind . i am just too nice to be true . LOL . i am self praising myself once again .

3. I GOT SCHOOL TMR ! :D
how can that be possible . dont even feel like going . have to start studying again . some stupid Amath and Emath and SS . ahhhh ! have to start studying all this crap up stuff ! and my mum say i must get english tuition cause i have been FAILING ENGLISH ! :D HAHAHAHAHAS ! DEBATER FAILS ENGLISH ! IRONIC ! :D hahhahas . i feel so rejected nowadays , cant really be bothered about anything .

4. OKP ! :D
hahahhas . why suddenly went offline ytd ? hahahas . waited for you to come back online , but i had to sleep . cause needed to wake up early today . but , yeahman , its okay . i am reading your blog yeah . and i am glad that you're living your life well . and , hey , you're a great boyfriend ! :D hahahahs . i am so super sure that the girl is so super happy . :D hahahs . :D must continue living your life happily yeah . :D lots of love , your far far away good friend ! :D

5. THE SALT WATER ROOM<3>
hahahs . its a song by the owl city . it's very very nice . and i keep listening to it . i like the rythem of it . hahahhas . just try listening it . it is a fabulous song . :D hahahas .

6. I LOVE MY SUBJECT COMBINATION AND 'LADY GAGA' ! :D
hahahas . actually , it's okay not taking POA . at least i have one less subject to worry about . and i can be in the same class with LADY GAGA ! :D hahahas . no idea how happy i am yeah . :D aiyoyo . even thought we dont really tell each other things but , yeahman . i love him okay . hahahas . my good friend since sec one . been going to school with him is the best thing you can ever expect . :D it can be embarrassing at times . but OMG ! he just brings you so much fun ! :D

ILOVEJESUS ! :D
i am sincerly glad . finally it came true didnt it ? :D
thanks ! :D
AMEN !

NINETY FOUR ! :D

2009-11-07T22:28:00.002+08:00

SHERRIN IS GOING TO POST LONG ! :D

1. I LOVE G.GANG ! :D
hahahs . only we know what we are talking about yeah ? hahahahas . they rock the hell out of me . :D we talk like there is no tmr , and we can talk about anybody and anything . :D got horny de , got people affiliate to indian de . hahahahhas ! :D it's just so fun being with them . :D

2. I LOVE LEOPARD III ! :D
we are going to have chalet and you have no idea how happy i am . :D cause we hell rock anything else . :D i just love them so much . i miss spending time with them at taiwan . bonding every single day . OMG ! i just love them so so so so much ! :D haahahahhs . :D i just hope the chalet can quickly be confirm cause i know it will be FUN ! :D

3. I LOVE EDWIN TAN ! :D
hahahahhas . he is my top few priority yeah ! :D hahahas . not top but top few . :D i love him like there wont be another . he treats me fabulous ! :D LOL ! no idea why , but it's him . going to be three months alrdy but we haven really quarrel yet . so weird . we are solving problems that are up coming together yeah ! :D hahahahs . i am blessed with him . going out with him almost every day . hahahhas . baby , just want to say sorry . cause it's like you're always going out with me and you accompanying me with my group of friends , and i rarely go out with your group of friends . sorry yeah . hahahas ! and , i want my gift ! cant wait till that day , and i promise i will only open it on that day ! :D i just got something to say , he looks cute with his specs and his cap ! look handsomely handsome . hahahahs . :D and guess what ? i am proud to have him as my baby . :D

4. I AM HAPPY FOR YOU ! :D
you sound happy at every of your blog post . so that's good . dont worry , you will pass chemistry . dont worry . i know you will be able to do it de . i just hope you are reading this . cause i tried commenting in your blog but it seemed to failed . :D hahahahs . so yeahman , you seem very very happy and i am glad . happy that you arent really quarreling with your brother alrdy . and i am happy to see that you gain back the faith in LORD . :D guess , whoever she is , she is making your life filled with plenty of laughters ! :D

5. TWO OF YOU , DARLINGS ! :D
yes , you're still my darlings . its not sacarsm or whatever shit .but i still cherish you people . but one really dont care alrdy and have other clique . so , yeahman . know that i will still be here yeah . the other , i dont know what she doing but she is so into korean stuff . hahahahhas . so yeahman , think she is enjoying that fact so , yeahman . life is short so just be happy . :D

6. I AM HAPPY FOR MYSELF ! :D
cause i have everything that i can ever ask for . i got a doting boyfriend . i got a loving sister . and FABULOUS parents . :D and FANTASTIC FRIENDS ! :D hahahahhas . yeahman . they are the people who bring me fun and laughter , peace and joy . hahahhahahas ! i smile every single day ! :D and its because of them ! :D

ILOVEJESUS ! :D
ILOVEYOU !
AMEN !

NINETY THREE :D

2009-11-05T11:09:00.003+08:00

SHERRIN IS AFRAID
do yknow ?
hahahs . going to get results later . talk to aunty just now for twenty minutes . afraid of what will be the outcome later to both matters . hahahas . results are freaking me out like nobody's problem . but whatever it is , i know i disappointed people especially me , myself and i . there is nothing much more to say i guess . :D hahahas .i need to pack my super untidy table but i still haven started yet i guess . :D hahahahahs . i meeting people at yishun train station at 1230 later and i haven bath and haven do anything at all yet . LOL ! aunty said she was scared that this would happen to her . hahahahs . then why is it happening to us . maybe i am making things complicated . but i guess this is all i can do for you isnt it ? suddenly i cant stop . hahahas . cant stop myself from crying . aiyoyo . i dont know why i am sad for , i dont know why i am crying . something is hell wrong with me . LOL !

the rain stopped .

ILOVEJESUS ! :D
i dont think last minute prayers work .
AMEN !

NINETY TWO :D

2009-11-04T21:33:00.002+08:00

SHERRIN POK LOVE YOU TILL ..
she has nothing left within her .
hahahs . today is such a fun day alright . went out with zheliang and him . watch ' love happens' everything was fun . but short of a little laughter i guess . hahahhas . going to get results tmr . going to be quite scared i guess . hahahahas . stupid wee ! i hate him lah . keep scolding me say i pon cca ! wtf lah ! i never can ! is got good reasons thats why i didnt go . always scold scold scold . i swear , i love god even more because he didnt make wee my father ! :D hahahahahahas ! omg ! actually he can be quite nice at times . but all i can see him do in front of me is nag nag and nag ! :D hahahahs . :D

scared and afraid , just because i dont want to lose you .

ILOVEJESUS ! :D
get rid of that fear .
AMEN !

NINETY ONE :D

2009-11-02T23:22:00.002+08:00

SHERRIN LOVE EDWIN TAN ! :D
that aint a secret anymore . cause i want to tell the whole entire world that i love him deeply ! :D i dont care what people is going to think . i practically think nobody is reading my blog anymore . so it's okay , if i post this . so yeahman ! i love him alot ! yes , i am going crazy about him . after 2 months still yes , i am going crazy . wanting to spend every minute with him . i know , even after 6 months , i will still be going crazy about him . cause it's him and nobody else . he is the one , that i will always laugh with . he makes people around him laugh . laugh like there isnt going to be tmr . and that's the positive thing that i like about him . not him being a 'yesman' but he for being who he is . he is super duper cute ! he acts like a kid alright ? :D hahahahas . but that's also the reason why i love him so much ! :D he never fails to make me smile . there is no surprise that i will love him like there is no tmr . it's not about how long we know each other . it is how much we love each other alright . he aint another funny guy who pop out of the blue , he is just another guy that i love so much ! :D i dont know why but he loves taking pictures ? hahahhas . and i dont know why , i think alot of girls seem to like him alot . hahahhas ! but yeahman ! he's my boyfriend ! =P ! HHAHAHAHAHAHS . okay okay , i am getting out of hand . anw , what i want to say is that . I AM PROUD TO HAVE HIM AS MY BOYFRIEND ! :D
ILOVEJESUS ! :D
HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME . DONT TAKE HIM AWAY .
AMEN !

NINETY :(

2009-11-01T19:49:00.004+08:00

SHERRIN DOESNT LIKE THINGS HANGING THERE !
AHHHHH ! ILOVELEOPARDIII ! :D we rock yeah ! got back from taiwan ytd ! :D all the fun and experience can never be expressed out ! we know it ourselves . between the 29 of us ! :D hahahhas . i suddenly realise , madeline actually aint that bad ! talked to her alot alot for this trip . talked for hours man ! know alot alot of other seniors ! they are actually super duper fun ! actually , the funny thing that i realise is that , i am quite sad in a sense that marcus didnt go , maybe i could see the funny and nice side of him then . :D hahahs . cause to me now , he is still scary and fierce ! :D hahhahahahahhas ! photos will be post in facebook i guess . :D cause i know they will bug me for photos !

ILOVEJESUS ! :D
you're the one who leaves me breathless , baby .
AMEN !

EIGHTY NINE :D

2009-10-23T17:39:00.002+08:00

SHERRIN IS SORRY !
i thought i promised to myself that i wouldnt want to read your blog . but i read it . today . just five minutes ago . i read every post after i stopped reading . i saw this post . was it talking about me ? cause apparently , i feel that it was . you did not do anything wrong . it was my fault . i shouldnt think too much . we are good friends yeah . and yes ! i will be here for you . i know i am one of a kind ! :D hahahs . pour all your troubles to me if you want . i will lend you a listening ear . you do still .. ? maybe just as a good friend yeah . :D i shouldnt think so much cause after all things that happened . i learnt to cherish things around me . and i do cherish you . deep down , do know that you have a place in my heart ! :D hahahs ! this post is dedicated to you and you . :D nobody else .
ILOVEJESUS ! :D
yes , thank you for allowing us to choose friends !
thank you for bring him to me .
AMEN !

EIGHTY EIGHT :D

2009-10-19T21:18:00.002+08:00

SHERRIN IS NOT GOING TO BE LIKE YOU .
i dont know why . i guess you're happy with her . i think you're together with her alrdy right . :D i am so glad that she is able to make you happy yeah . :D so glad that she made you more positive . more excited about your everyday life . maybe that was something that i really couldnt let you feel even though we seem so close . hahahahs ! great yeah ! i am very very sincerly happy for you ! :D maybe this is another side of you that i failed to see . cause during that period of time , you werent like that . you werent the way you are now . the way you talked to me now , seems to change a little . maybe my tone of speaking did change a little too . because of everything that is happening around me yeah . :D hahahas ! but , ultimately , dear , i am happy for you . :D stay happy always yeah .
hey people out there who cares for me ! i am alright yeah . stop thinking that i am weird or that i am not alright . i am postively alright yeah ! super duper alright . better than ever ! :D haahahhas ! yeahman . nothing happen . so stop asking alright . i am not irritated but seriously , nothing happen . nothing big will be able to make me fall again . :D to fall like how i did last time ! few more days , it's two months that past ! :D yeahman . super duper happy . i know you are happy and i am glad about that ! :D at least i still can make somebody happy . few more days also , i will be leavng for taiwan . :D excited yet worried . worried that i cant climb finish the mountain . :D mental training is HARD ! i dont look like i have low self esteem . but maybe i do . only some people can read me like a book . only some . :D only some can read me like i am plain white sheet of paper ! :D hahahahahas !
ILOVEJESUS ! :D
i thank you for placing him by my side .
to bring be joy and laugher .
and i know , there will soon be sorrows . :D
AMEN !